I won't be back

I feel I have become a god. Me and the hot dog are one.

I had 1 large Summer Sausage and will consume a crock full of little weiners tonight. I gave myself an extra 6 dogs for this feat.

Thanks to all who read these blurbs and followed along. I wish the next Dog On'er to carry on the torch and relish in the honor that it is to brag about the dog.

I had a great time. I do not feel well though. I can't wait for detox to begin.

One more day

So a good friend of mine is in town who has read the read the blog is on a quest to eat all my favs.

He has been here 2 days and ate 6 dogs.... I had to keep up with him.

His name will be the Schlong. Some people call him Longren.

Regardless, the answer (thats me the Boz) is now struggling. I am having difficulties keeping the dogs down and have to wash everything down with Pepto and tums. Longren says it is oatmeal that keeps him healthy. All I know is that I do not feel weel and can not wait for detox to start.

I think I have 3-6 more dogs left in me unless I go for the 20 spot tomorrow which would require an act of God.

I have gained 17 pounds this month and feel like bloated road kill.

Ghost of Christmas Past

I have some catching up to do, so here are some pictures on the long Christmas Break:







Raising the Flag on Christmas Day with hot dogs to boot. So American.

Here is a story I shared with my children on Christmas, have a great Holiday. These next 4 days are going to be fun.

T'was the Night Before Hot Dog Christmas

A Visit from St. Frankfurter

With Apologies to Clement C. Moore

'Twas the night before Hot Dog Christmas, when all through

the hut, the chili was warming, the steamer was shut;

The buns were all packed in the basket with care

In hopes that St. Frankfurter soon would be there;

The hot dogs were sweating all snug in their beds,

While lines of ketchup graced their crowned heads;

And mamma in her kaiser, and I in my roll,

Had just just got done with our long daily roll.

When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the roller to see what was the matter.

Away to the steamer, I stepped in some custard;

Tore open the shutters and threw on some mustard.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my non-existent eyes was blank,

But miniature wieners, swimming in BBQ stank,

With a little old driver, so lively and harefooted,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Frankfurter-erted.

More rapid than ex-lax his bloating they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, _Fairbury!_ now, _Hebrew!_ now, _Armour_ and _Nathans!_

On, _Oscar!_ on, _Wimmer!_ on, _Hippy_ and _Sahlens!_

To the top of the hut! to the top of the wall!

Now roll away! roll away! roll away all!"

As dry buns that before the wild chili fly,

When they meet with a bowel obstruction, push you may try;

So up to the hut-top the wieners they flew,

With the bag full of Hot Dogs, and St. Frankfurter too.

He sprang to the rollers, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all were devoured, by some guy named Missal.

But I heard him exclaim, as he rolled in his own goo pond,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all:

Dog on!"

Sidebar: making progress?

Sidebar: Have you guys noticed the google ads on the side of the page lately? Nothing but dogs, and the occasional Disney Princess ad. I think this means something.

It's A Wonderful Dog

Teacher says that everytime a bell rings, a hot dog is eaten.

That's right!

Wanna Read a Blog that likes Dawgs too?

Hot Dog Spot

These guys like em too, great reviews of eateries that serve dogs in LA.

ObamaDawg

Kent State Dogs by Nick

What a glorious picture. I went to Kent State to watch the women play UNC Wilmington. A friend of mine has a daughter who plays on the UNC team.

Dogs were a buck a piece. tasted great and the coeds serving them had horrendous service, but were easy on the eyes. That Nick Lachey look alike was to die for. Errrrrrr..... Jessica Simpson look alike, that was the one, right.

Anyway, had a lot of fun. Women play the game with so much more teamwork than the men. If I were to coach, it would have to be woman's team, men are pigs like that Nick guy was.

3 Hour Disney Dog

Took the daughters to Disney on Ice. What a treat. The audience contained what I presumed to be 50% pedo's. Men shouldn't be allowed to go to this event. If you know more than a 5 year old knows about Disney Princesses then you have a problem and should seek immediate medical/psychological treatment.

Anyway during the intermission, or for most men the popcorn box swap period, I went and grabbed this overpriced hot dog. Mistake. 3 hours later I was holed up in bathroom screaming sweet mercy from the bloating pain I received from this sam filled nastiness. I don't think ex-lax works this good.

The only downside to the show, in my opinion, was that it started off with the Genie from Aladdin, soon followed by a shark from Finding Nemo, which frightened my daughterat first. But as soon as we had princesses gliding across the ice, all was good. Cinderella, Belle, Ariel and Snow White graced the ice together, which was a magical number for any young princess in attendance. Including myself.

A Few Good Dogs

Son, we live in a world that has hot dogs, and those hot dogs have to be eaten by men with appetites. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Mole? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the Pig, and you curse the Doug. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That a dropped Hot Dog, while tragic, probably is still edible. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, will eat that dog. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me eating that hot dog, you need me eating that hot dog. We use words like kraut, cheese, chili. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent eating something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the bun of the very hot dog that I consume, and then questions the manner in which I consume it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a frank, and eat away. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Betty

Meat and Bun

I encourage anyone who reads this god forsaken blog to try a month of hot dog debauchery. All I think about is hot dogs. Sex has taken a back seat in more ways than one. It's just all I think about is where is this adventure taking me next?

I have had several kinds of dogs through these first 17 days and must say that there has never been a time in my life where the pursuit of something so delectable was forefront on my mind. Work doesn't even matter any more. Social life, yeah right. It's all about the dogs and all that is good about those dogs.

Last Thursday night I had a couple dogs at the bowling alley that were simply delicious. Something triggered my brain after devouring them and I had a breakdown. Not quite sure what happened, but the dog blood went into danger mode. To make a short story shorter, I ended up throwing all my bowling gear into a trash can and took my second ball and sent it rolling down an adjacent street. It wasn't pretty.

Can I blame the dogs though? Maybe this blog. The pressure to post something witty or funny and produce a great story about a hot dog is a challenging task. Some may say it is just meat on a bun. I have found it is much more than that. It is the quintessential food of the pure blooded American. It's a Roy Rodgers or Shirley Temple in solid form. General Patton bows to the dog.

Nothing could be so simple. So elegant in its ability to just be what it is without anyone asking, "Hey, what you got there?" I believe hot dogs are more popular than Jesus and the Beatles combined. If you add Elvis it comes in a close second by 2 votes. The hot dog rules. Even Allah has to shout.

Meat and bun, simple. Add what you want after that perfect combination and you have yourself a work of culinary art. I love you hot dog. You have never let me down.

Homemade Chili Dogs

My lovely wife joined in the fun and made some boiled beef dogs and some chili. Homemade is best. Nothing to see here. I need to find another dog village today.

Have Bun Will Travel

Have Bun will travel - Cheesewurst Brats decorated will mustard and Ketchup on bread. George cooked these. Nothing to see here

Hail Roller, full of dogs

So I succumbed to the Mole and went out today and attempted a Couple of roller dogs.


The Menu at the Roller Grill - Country Fair convenience store across from the grind.


here you can see the dogs swimming in their own goo. You can't tell but there is blasphemy going on here as the two bottom meats are chicken. One is a Buffalo Chicken Ranch chicken dog and the other had is an Italian Spicy Chicken.

I didn;t eat the chicken I opted for a cheese dog and a kielbasa dog.




Speaking of blasphemy:

Hail Roller, full of dogs.
Our juice is with you.
Blessed are you among beef products,
and blessed is the fruit of your roll,
Holy Roller, full of dogs,
pray for us consumers,
now and at the hour of our death.
Dog on.

Bowling and Hot Dogs

You don't get much more American than this. Dogs and Bowling. A beautiful combination. Everyone in the world should make this their wallpaper on your computers and phones.

Bored, read science article about hot dogs: Science is cool

Mediocrity

3 more Kraut dogs. These things are delicious.

Mediocrity.

Roller Road Dog

Roller Road Dog: The last hot dog from the roller that you would never allow in your mouth because you know that it hasn't spun in an hour because of the build up of salmonella, and it had to be peeled from the rollers to make it in the bun.

These dogs to the left are not roller dogs, but more dogs from the Hermitage Hot Dog Hut. Cheese and kraut boys, cheese and kraut.

I don't do roller dogs. They are an embarrassment to a well manicured hot dog.

4-some with George

George Foreman should be proud. This here is a quad-dog done properly on a George Foreman grill. I ate two of these yummy Cheesewurst brats.

I should eat more dogs on this thing.










The outcome was quite nice as you can see in the picture below.

Bonus Blog Post from The Mole - Dallas Report

For every yin, a yang. While The Boz is diligently working away in Steeler Country, I was down in Dallas this weekend watching the Suh make his best pitch for the Heisman. Meanwhile, I was eating hot dogs. The Big XII Championship game was at the new Jerry Jones Cashitorium. As a stadium it is impressive. It is, however, a lousy place to watch a football game. The huge screens are so big you find yourself watching it instead of the players on the field. There is no information about yardage, etc. Even the down and distance is hidden. I guess if you have players like Romo you don't want too many distractions.

During pre-game warm ups there was this big announcement to the punters on the field, "Attention - this is Stadium Control. Do not punt balls into the screens. Any team doing so will be assessed for any damage." Really? They call themselves "Stadium Control?"
A few sections over a Husker fan stood up and yelled, "Attention Stadium Control, this is common sense. Do not build a football stadium with a screen 90 feet from the field!!"

Anyway, my first dog was suprisingly good. It was also from New York. A Nathan's Famous slathered in mustard from the concourse. And then the most wonderful thing happened. In the skybox, our host ordered lots of food, including an eight-dog roller machine with warming tray for the buns.

It was glorious. Unfortunately, it was the last great thing that happened during the game. I also note that the sign in front of the roller dogs said "NY Kosher Hot Dogs." Do you think the Cowboys' love of New York hot dogs had anything to do with their loss to the Giants the next day?

To console myself the next day I made my way out to Wild About Harry's, a hot dog and homemade custard joint. I was greeted by this happy fellow:

The dogs were tremendous. I had a Chicago and a Texas dog. The Chicago dog was remarkably authentic, but the Texas dog was actually better. Chili, cheese and onions. Wash that down with some homemade custard (Harry's mom's recipe) and that will cheer a boy up after a tough loss.

Harry's is opening a location in Austin too, so if you are a Texas fan you should consider yourself lucky. Again.

Dog on . . .

Neuter your Dogs

Yesterday as I was eating those glorious Jib Jab Hot Dogs, I noticed this sign on the way back to my vehicle.

At the top it says Hot Dog Parking, so I parked there. When I went to open the truck door I noticed this sign on the building door.

SPAY NEUTER CLINIC - PRIVATE ENTRANCE

My stomach rumbled a little. Odd having a Nueter clinic next door to a Hot Dog Shoppe.

I was hoping for a funny joke, but all I got was bad gas.

Speaking of bad gas, if you have time check out this blog over at the Huffo Post by MeatHead. Truly a man of the dog.

"...Every dog has its day, and for hot dogs that day is July 4. About 150 million hot dogs were wolfed down last Independence Day, enough to stretch from DC to LA more than five times, according to the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council. If you're planning a cookout for this most patriotic of days, here's an opportunity to celebrate the American dream. Because hot dog culture is American history."

Spayed and Neutered

Jib Jab Hot Dog Shoppe. Shoppe is often used to provide a sense of antiqueness to a place where you would buy crap. You can normally expect to pay 15% more at a place whose name ends in "shoppe." That theory went to hell. A hot dog with chili sauce $.99.

I heard of this place at our annual Christmas party. A long conversation about "coal mining friends" and bad jokes was all it took to get this heavenly hot dog location into the conversation.











Here is the plate as it arrived. 3 dogs, one with the chili sauce, one with cheddar sauce, and a plain dog.

I tore into the cheddar one first. Not a nacho sauce but a true cheddar taste. Delicious. I then ate the chili sauce dog. Way too much chili powder in there, but edible. After awhile it tasted real good and wish I ordered 2. Then I looked at the plain dog and thought, hmm what if I dump this chili sauce, cheddar sauce and fires on top? Heaven. A picture is worth a thousand words:













In all it's glory.... scrumptious. Follow up post to come about the parking lot.

Hot Dogs. The New Meat Candy.

May I introduce to you a little hole in the wall bar in Farrell, PA called Basilones. Check out the recipe card at a booth I sat at:


Look at those prices will ya. Inexpensive. I ordered a Kraut Dog, Hot Hot Dog, and a Margie Dog.

I am picky about my kraut and should had asked, but Basilones makes their own kraut like an old German lady does. It is good and then gets bad quick. I like my rotten cabbage from a can.

The Hot Hot wasn't bad. Bunch of banana peppers that have been stewed with an Italian red sauce and then topped with something hot.


This last dog, the Margie Dog should be entered into the best hot in the world contest. This thing had a blend of flavors and textures only a kid with ADD could appreciate. So much was going in in my mouth, soft bun, slimy peppers, something spicy hot, graininess of the chili, and a small sliver of provolone cheese and then the juicy yummy hot dog. What a combination of happiness for my mouth to devour. I highly suggest you try a Margie Dog. My mouth is begging for more.


Glorious: The one on the left is the Margie Dog.

I have to give big props to Bonnie my co-worker who led me to this fine hot dog establishment. Only 4 days into this ride and I am sure that nothing will top the Margie Dog.

This is also my last post until Next week when I will start eating homemade hot dogs. I will be visiting various butchers and grocery stores for the best wieners and franks I can find.

Ahh sweet sweet scrumptious Margie Hot Dog.

Bowling Dog

Had a scrumptious dog last night after bowling. This dog was served at the 11th Frame Lounge at Sunset Lanes in Farrell, PA.

When they cook the dog on the grill, they split it open and cook it from the inside out. It creates this delicious grill taste throughout the dog.

Cheese topping of course. This Dog will be named the "Hair of the Dog." After having the upset stomach from the earlier chili dogs, this single masterpiece made everything better.

Also, the dog was presented with class.

dog on....

Hot Dog meat is raised vegan so you don't have to be!

My cousin is a vegan.......

Anyone who has studied anthropology would know that early hominids that had meat in their diet had larger brains than the early hominids that had an exclusively vegetarian diet. There are a lot of theories about this finding, one of which is that meat provides more calories than vegetarian fare which allowed our ancestors to spend more time thinking and less time foraging. The ones that had the larger brains and could fuel those brains with meat survived better and passed those brains on to the next generation. On a side note, it's been hypothesized that early humans weren't necessary hunters, they were scavengers, so saying it is natural for us to eat meat might not be accurate but it may have helped make us smarter. This is why cows and pigs are so dumb cause they are vegans.

.... hence my cousin is stupid.

Today I visited Niko and Lous Coney Island in downtown Sharon, PA

500x the service level from the place yesterday. Chili Dogs. Lots of Chili Dogs. I am leery, to say the least of onions, so jumping into a Chili Dog is scary territory. I took the plunge.



I have a feeling this is going to come out looking exactly the way it went in. It was spicy and I ate 2 of them. I do not feel good about myself for doing so and I thought of vegan-ism while eating it. I concluded that vegans are still stupid.

This hot dog reminded me of this song for some reason:

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on

Nauseous on...

Meat: It's what you're made of

The general topic of what gives people the strength to persevere through times of overwhelming adversity is certainly an interesting one to me, and I think that knowing what you are made of, with the help of a hot dog, will help you through anything.

"Wisdom from Adversity with Hot Dogs"

• You can't know what will happen tomorrow-and it's better that way with hot dogs.
  
• You can't control what happens, just how you respond with hot dogs.
• Adversity distorts reality, but crystallizes the truth with hot dogs.
• Loss amplifies the value of what remains with hot dogs.
• It's easier to create new dreams than cling to broken ones with hot dogs.
• Your happiness is more important than righting injustices with hot dogs.

Next time you break open a fortune cookie after eating hot dogs at a Chinese Restaurant, add "...with hot dogs." at the end. You will be much better off in the days to come. "...in bed" is so 80's.


Day 2: Sharon Hot Dog Shop

Thank God they didn't spell it Shoppe or I would not had gone in. I had huge expectation from this joint. It was disappointing to say the least. I had the net worth of 500x what those eating had and I was carrying 5 bucks on me.

I bellied up to the 50's style diner counter and proceeded to order 3 hot dogs and a root beer. A sweet lady asked me if I wanted meat sauce. I am not big on eating condiments called meat something so I asked her what the meat sauce was. She said, "Don't ask me I just work here." No meat sauce thank you.

So 3 cheese only dogs (which looked like sprayed on cheeze whiz) consumed and a tasty root beer. Should the Mole come to PA I will make him eat the meat sauce.

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart with hot dogs. - Confuscious

The Gateway Meat

Day 1 - The Gateway Meat

One of the most common arguments against hot dogs is to label it a gateway meat. This assertion implies that everyone who has ever experienced a great dog has gone on to bigger and better meats, and that offering hot dogs everywhere you go would be the downfall of society as we know it with meat addicts taking over. This has always seemed like an extremely weak argument; a grasping at buns kind of thinking.

So, at first glance calling hot dogs "the gateway meat" might seem reasonable, especially since the government has kept it in the same classification as horribly addictive meats such as kobe steak and prime rib while steadfastly ignoring any benefit hot dogs have to your health. But it seems more reasonable to claim that those who will abuse hot dogs or choose to eat brats will do so, no matter what the law says or which hot dog they started with. History proves this to be the case. The idea of there being a gateway meat is a trite concept perpetuated by those who are fearful or wish to keep hot dogs unhealthy with scare tactics.

The Place: Hermitage Hot Dog Hut (I will be going here 75% of the time during the month)



The Menu: Quite simple really. Famous Hot Dogs. How famous you may ask? You now know about them so they are famous.












The Dogs: I chose 3 dogs with kraut and cheese. A personal favorite of mine. This combination goes back to when I was in 5th grade at Top Dog in Bellevue NE eating footlongs at Top Dog.













All 3 devoured. Today was a good day.I leave you with some lyrics by a famous all beef hot dog eater himself, Ice Cube.

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dogs, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog

Today was a good day

Dog on.......

The Boz - For Immediate Release 12-1-2009

For Immediate Release
Sharon, PA
12/1/2009

The Hot Dog Month Blog Announces the Franchise Player - The Boz

If I can't eat hot dogs, I can't eat hot dogs. It is as simple as that. It ain't about that at all. It's easy to sum it up if you're just talking about hot dogs. We're sitting here, and I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we're talking about hot dogs. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about hot dogs, not kielbasa, not sausage links, not those spicy wieners soaking in vinegar, but we're talking about hot dogs. Not the sandwich that I go out there and die for and eat every day like it's my last but we're talking about hot dogs man. How silly is that?

Now I know that I'm supposed to lead by example and all that but I'm not shoving that aside like it don't mean anything. I know it's important, I honestly do but we're talking about hot dogs. We're talking about hot dogs man. We're talking about hot dogs. We're talking about hot dogs. We're not talking about the 4 hour pot roast. We're talking about hot dogs. When you come to the hut, and you see me eat, you've seen me eat right, you've seen me give everything I've got, but we're talking about hot dogs right now.

Dog On? No way, the dog IS on.

Full Circle

4 states, 30 days, 74 dogs, over 1500 miles. My journey has brought me full circle. Back to my favorite spot, Portillos, for my final two sausages. The Prince picked up the spirit and paid it forward in Des Moines forcing our whiskey guzzling Irish friend to purchase and cook hot dogs for the first time. Subtracting the 2 turkey dogs leaves us with a grand total of 74.

Enough to make the Mole jealous of my sausage. Though most Nebraskans over compensate by spending $800 million on a baseball team, the Mole is reduced to "Bonus" posting over my blog.

Here are my top five dogs of the month:

1) The Weiners Circle-Char Dog, 2622 North Clark, Chicago, Illinois

2) Portillos-Chili Cheese Dog, Golf Road, Schaumburg, Illinois

3) Portillos-Grilled onion and cheddar cheese dog, Golf Road, Rolling Meadows, Illinois

4) Big Sammy's, Biesterfield, Elk Grove Village, Illinois

5) Scooby's, Arlington Heights Road, Arlington Heights, Illinois.

The side deal is done, the Halloween loot, though stale, is now mine.

I do finish my month with regret, that there was not enough time to hit The Brat Stop, Hot Doug's, Photos's, Jimmy's . . . along with weight gain, gout and a malfunctioning colon.

I leave you with one of my favorite sausage moments courtesy of U Tube . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkuPhs-Gjdw

Dog on,

The King

The Final Push

Hit two foot long coneys at Sonic at 151st and Blackbob. Apparently, it took forever to make them. Wasn't worth the effort, the chilli was taco meat leftover from USD 231 hot lunch program and the dogs were limp and lost in the buns. The Prince kept up his end. The King 4.0 The Prince 3.0

Received many many turkey dogs for Thanksgiving as the King arrived for the Thanksgiving feast. Found a new condiment for dogs, stuffing from the turkey. Made two Jennie O turkey dogs draped with stuffing sprinkled some cheese and voila! Also hit some Italian Sausage. The King 3.5 The Prince 1.0

The King and Queen went to the royal court for evening entertainment. The particularly awful play of the No. 1 basketball team in the first half had the Queen anxious and sweaty. She beckoned her majesty to fetch her some water and popcorn. When I arrived at the royal Fieldhouse trough I realized that they had been properly warned of my arrival and named their dog the "All Beef Jay Dog". Yes please! I knew the Queen had sought popcorn, however she had never been disappointed in the "All Beef Jay Dog". I took the popcorn as a backup. When I arrived back at the royal perch, I offered the Queen my "All Beef Jay Dog". She politely refused to accept it in front of the 16,299 on lookers. Oh what she passed up. I am quite certain she was regretting it later as the All Beef Jay was a nice surprise. Properly steamed to the point where the bun welded it self to the dog casing and much like everything else in the Fieldhouse extra hot. The King 1.0 The Queen full of regret.

Bonus Blog Post From the Mole

People often (once) ask me "Where is the best hot dog place in Nebraska?" Until today I did not have a definitive answer for them (him). Now I do. Located in Grand Island, Nebraska is the Coney Island Lunch Room. Since 1933 this lunch counter has been serving authentic Coney Island style hot dogs and, according to the menu from 1933, "Mexican Chili" and "Italian Spaghetti".

Imagine how far away I would have had to stand if I weren't 6'8"

Just a single lunch counter and one row of booths populate this Grand Island icon. The experience is aided by the feeling that nothing has changed in 50 years. You feel like, at any moment, the door could burst open you could see (insert famous Grand Island icon from the 1950's here). The coney dogs are no longer a nickel as they were in 1933, but they are made simply with mustard, onions, and "Coney sauce" which resembles loose meat with spices. I knocked down three of them with a chocolate shake (a real shake, made and served in a metal cup that is too cold to hold).

I call this plate, "The Turkey Cleanser"

They were glorious. It is appropriate that I was able to enjoy these on Thanksgiving weekend, when we are to be reminded of all of the things we have in this country to be thankful for. A close second behind my family are the owner Gus and his son George who were working hard on this Friday afternoon, serving delicious dogs on a beautiful Husker gameday.

Dog on,

The Mole.

More Road Dogs

Sunday-The roller dog still working its magic. Hit Coaches in Overland Park, KS for the brunch. Destroyed their "pan-o-sausage" . The roller dog is now in the mirror, although Overland Park may need to issue a new bond for sewer improvements. The King 2.0 The Prince 0.0

Monday-Hit Mom's refrigerator for some frozen chilli and ballpark franks that are as old as Mom's first husband. Obligation fulfilled. The King 2.0 The Prince 2.0

Apparently Vienna Beef in Kansas is spelled "Sonic". Must hit the coneys. must hit the coneys. must hit the coneys. gotta go!

The Traveling Dog Show

Thursday- Hit the Big Sammy's in Elk Grove Village on Biesterfield. 2 Chicago Red Hots. Great dogs. Juan, Sammy's personal dog chef, was full of information. No they are not Vienna Beefs. They are Chicago Red Hots. Apparently the nephew of the Vienna Beef people decided to branch out on his own, brought a milder dog to the table and called it a Chicago Red Hot. Picture to Follow. The King 2.0 The Prince 0.0

Friday-Made a very special trip to the World Famous "The Weiners Circle" improperly identified by the citizens of Chicago as "Weiner Circle" 2622 N. Clark. There is nothing circuitous about this fine establishment. As I drove by the first time I thought why is this called a Circle? On the fourth pass around looking for parking, I realized what they meant by Circle. Contrary to internet reports the staff was quite friendly at 10:30 AM. Maybe it was the site of a King in a suit that changed their attitude after the late night drunks had cleared or maybe everything on the internet is not always accurate? Anyway, the dogs did not disappoint. They were roasted on an open flame less than 3 feet from the counter. Nice homey touch. The Best Char Dog ever taken down by the King, and I was sober. Headed back to the highway, another sign caught my eye "Vienna Beef cafe and factory store" a/k/a the Heart beat of Chicago. Hit it for one more mid-morning dog. Picture to follow.The King 3.0 The Prince 0.0

Saturday- The Dog Show hits the road. Hit my first roller dog of the month at the Coralville Shortstop. The roller had been disseminated by Iowa football fans but left me a lone Ballpark, no bun. Jim Bob at the counter tracks down a lone bun in a bag, I added the "cheese of the day". No Ricos, new appreciation sets in for the Pig as the bun crumbles in my hand. The King 1.0 The Prince 0.0.

Dog Porn/Three Dog Night

Brittany Spares.

.

Rico's dog full frontal

The Cleveland Steamer

Saturday-Italian Sausage. The King 1.5 The Prince 0.0

Sunday-after dinner mint. The King 2.0 The Prince 0.0

Monday-Hit a place called Scooby's. Doglicicious The King 2.0 The Prince 0.0

Tuesday-Tripled up on the homemade chilicheese dogs. The Prince couldn't hang. The King 3.0 The Prince 2.0

Wednesday- They are on the stove . . . The King 2.0 The Prince 0.0

Rico's the Profit Maker

Where is the King? Is he dead? Were the 24.5 links of encased meat the final death blow? Was the pressure of chasing the Mole too much?

It wasn't death but the spiritual journey of week two that had the King unavoidably detained.

Monday-The mental pressure of catching the Mole is too much . . . weak effort with one dog. The King 1.0 The Prince 0.0

Tuesday-Nothing like the Salvation Army (and free CLE) to get the King back on track. As I listened to Roy Adams discuss the diversification of ILIT assets and fiduciary liability, I could not help but think of my own Salvation. So I skip the free rubber chicken luncheon, hit the road looking for any dog and then a beacon of light strikes my face, as I clear the tears from my eyes and yank the car back to the middle of the road. I realize that I am not being pulled to the light. I nearly clip Famous Al's Beef sign. Make a quick U-Turn and hit the Al's for two chicago dogs. Pickles on hot dogs are still pickles. Awful. Fortunately these spicy vienna dogs don't get pushed around and over take the pickle juice. As I attempt to digest these monsters I realize that the Mole can be taken. The King 2.0 The Prince 0.0

Wednesday- One Italian Sausage. The Prince skips school and hits a regular dog. The King 1.5 The Prince 1.0

Thursday- Two Portillos dogs. The Prince hits one too. Mine lasts through the night, his doesn't. The King 2.5 The Prince 1.0 (I take an extra .5 for cleaning up the Prince's hot hot dog off the floor).

Friday-With the picture of the Prince's regerg dog floating through my head for 24 hours, I realize this is the make or break time. IT's time for RICO's THE PROFIT MAKER*! I shake off the Queen's friday fish sign. Go forth and bring me RICO. I step it up with two Chilicheese monster dogs. Beautiful dogs wearing a full serving of chili like pants. Drizzled with the fine nectar only known as "Rico's". The Rico's squirts your mouth filing all of the tiny openings not covered in chili. Rico's the profit maker? I say Rico's the Prophet Maker!
*Rico's the Profit Maker is used with the express written consent of the copyright holder, the Estate of Mark D. Cook. The King 2.0 The Prince still recovering.

SUPER BEARS! SUPERDAWG! SUPER BEARS! SUPERDAWG!

Week one is finished and so are the hapless Bears!

Wednesday-Hit the famous Superdawg Drive-in on Milwaukee for 2 Superdawgs! At $4.95 a piece I asked the guy if he had a gun, apparently that isn't as funny inside the City limits cause he wasn't laughing and I got the distinct impression after waiting 10 minutes that he was in the back "sacking" my dawgs. Well at least they last awhile still tasting them on Friday not in a good way The Prince 0.0 The King 2.0

Thursday- With my life spared by the mafia and the taste of the Superdawg still hanging around; I stayed close to home as the Queen prepared a beautiful Italian sausage. The Prince 0.0 The King 1.5

Friday-Nice surprise at the local Buona Beef (Beef is a term loosely used in this City that means BBQ pork ribs, hot dogs, Italian Sausage, hamburgers, salad and a sandwich with sweet peppers drowned in its own fat), daily double was only $3.75. They have definitely changed their dogs. Vienna beefs but much more manageable on the pallet. The Prince 0.0 The King 2.0

Saturday-Watching the KU football game and wondering if I will end up looking like Coach Mangino after this little month long experience. Not scared by that looming visual I suck down the 2 leftover Brats. The Prince is in for two plain dogs. The Prince 2.0 The King 3.0

Sunday-Out of Buns. Must wait til halftime. Queen too busy with yard work to realize my desperation. Hit the store for buns. Kurt Warner lights up the Bears again while I am gone. 2 ballpark franks. Fresher than the last bunch. The Prince is in again for 2. The Prince 2.0 The King 2.0

November 3rd

Yesterday- Hit my favorite Chicago hot dog chain, Portillos, for lunch downed two nine inch weiners. One was crowning a whole vadalia onion. It was real and it was spectacular! Not quite the firm snap I normally get from Dick's dogs. Delicious none the less. Made it past the picture of Jim Belushi without throwing up. The Prince-0 The King-2.0

Today-Bratacular! Made a Midwest swimming pool (1 bud light + 2 coors lights) for Johnsville Brats for the whole family! Smothered with sauteed yellow peppers and onions. The King hit two of them. The Prince stuck with his usual gig of a plain dog with ketchup. The Prince 1.0 The King 3.0

The side deal

Every good Chicagoan knows that to get any monumental task accomplished there must be a "side" deal. Facing The Mole's century mark, it seemed impossible to accomplish alone. Therefore, I have enlisted the involuntary services of The Prince to help me accomplish this feat and keep the City of Chicago streets free of snow.

Day One. We catch a lucky break, U8 house soccer comes to an abrupt end with the cancellation of the last game. (probably the terribleness of my FC Dallas charge not necessarily the field conditions). That freed considerable time implement the "side" deal. Like any good competition there must be something at stake. The Prince's fresh Halloween loot shall be the price. I establish a strict joint order escrow account with the Queen to secure the Prince's loot. The winner of the "side" deal will also obtain the loot.

Although the cancellation of the soccer game now takes the soccer league's hot dog vendor, Frank, out of play for what would be an easy daily double. We retreat to the palace and polish off two freezer burnt Ballpark Beef Franks a piece (4). I take mine the way I always have bun with shredded cheddar cheese. The Prince has a hard time committing so he takes down one without bun and ketchup and one with bun and cheese. He is young but the force is strong with this one.

Can't wait to explain to him that his candy is now being held in escrow.

The Prince 2.0 The King 2.0

It is Finished....

Perhaps the biblical verse of this title reflects the deeply religious undertaking some one goes through while eating hotdogs for a month. Perhaps it is a blasphemous reference that will result in a certain "pig"going to hell. Either way. It was one heck of a ride. I may not have secured the leader in volume of hotdogs but I guarantee the miles I chalked up hunting the perfect roller dog will no doubt create chapters within an elementary history book. I am sure by now you are all waiting to hear my untold stories of the numerous "More on that later" stories but.... with a Soprano-isc ending I leave you with nothing.

I do however give sign of you an ultimate display of dedication...my daughters first Halloween as a hot dog. She came complete with mustard, and ketchup and surprisingly the phrase HOTdog was no joke. This thing was like an oven. She was burning up in that thing so she only made for a little while but you know what they say..."with great hotdog toddler costumes come great responsibility."

Its been a good ride, or "roll" if you will and I gladly pass on the torch to someone who hopefully takes after the 100 hot dog limit. On a side not "The Doug" went as Billy Mays for Halloween and I got to see a picture. Fanfreakintastic. Hopefully he will grace us with a picture in a bonus post.

Friday hit the gas stop at 24th and Leavenworth. not gonna go there.

2 dogs crushed at Sinclair 132nd and Maple (I think). Not bad but West Maple is the devil so it tasted like crap out of spite.

Dog on and Good night.

A King has Been Crowned

It is with excitement and anticipation I get to announce the dramatic conclusion of my quest of the perfect roller dog. Drum roll please.... no? alright how about hands banging on a desk? ...please.....no seriously do it. Now that you are in such a frenzy; I (and my colon) are pleased to announce that the Bucky's at 108th and L has trumped all roller dogs in the Omaha Metro area. 4 kinds of hotdogs, buns in plastic containers housed in a warmer with steam to keep them fresh, and the kicker?.....condiments. We are talking pump and packet ketchup, mustard, etc. Fresh diced onions, jalapenos, sauerkraut, sweet peppers, relish, sweet relish, numerous other sauces and a sweet prep area where the magic happens. Below average price and you are in gas station hotdog heaven (which i suppose may be the very lamest heaven but who am I to judge?)



This mega convenience store arose from the concrete of 108th St like a ,...oh forget it. I didn't want to go to another Quick Trip and deal with their magic so I ran in there on a whim....or fate? I probably fit right in since I walked up to the hotdog mecca and smiled while I stewed over my choices in taking full advantage of their 2 for $2.22 special. I happily paid and when i walked out I said, "Congrats Mark (that was the name on the shirt) you win." I only have to assume he hears this all of the time because he pretended ignore me and look puzzled. Never the less I thanked him for his part in my happy ending * and strolled out the door satisfied *.



Luckily I still have a few days in this odyssey to try out some other locals suggested to me over this month. You have not heard the last of the pig.



2 at Shell near 114 and Dodge. pitiful excuse for a dog. and the clerk now knows it.

2 at Hy Vee gas 90th and Center. Not terrible but not cooked. There was a sign that said "hotdogs behind this sign are ready." I assure you they were not ready despite the signage. A friendly smile in every aisle huh? ....perhaps there is, but its a dirty, whorish, lying smile.

Will No Roller Dog fill my Bun?

The Pig's son the other day said, "Hey Dad, its apparent through your heightened wisdom and overall attractiveness you have received an influx of vitamin HD. What gives?" Well no responsible parent would withhold the nutritional building blocks of a hotdog, or his bastard cousin the corndog. Here you find him easing into the hotdog world through a tubed and fried part of a balanced breakfast. When he polished it off he simply said, "mo daddy?" yes son. indeed mo.

Since the Huskers have given up I thought about doing the same. However the dominant Steelers greeted Favre in the most appropriate manner with a win and some sacks. To watch the Steelers game I went to some d-bags house who kindly ordered his wife to make a south american inspired topping for hotdogs. It was really good and allowed the destruction of 3 unsuspecting dogs. Props to a lad named "The Bares" for the recipe. I know he may have emailed a recipe but he's still a dude. ....right?

A rough go at it for the last several days. 3 more gas stations hit and again, nothing worthy to report. It appears the perfect dog, bun, fresh toppings, and price are elusive as a raping polish film producer. It was difficult to hit many stations this weekend because I worked police overtime at a swine flu clinic (insert joke here).

3 at a football game, again warmish. 3 at a house, and 4 from 2 different stations.

dog on

Smoke and Mirrors

So I was wrestling a bear the other day and the wife called my office. That's Mrs Pig to some of you but I like to call her my Oinkstress. She said when I get home from work I was in for a dinner treat. My natural response was "well, I am hitting the Quick Trip at 84th and F for a 2 for $2.00 roller dog special so your treat better be beat that." she hung up.

When I got home I was greeted with a crock pot of potatoes and summer sausage. The sausage was juicy, warm, and tender.* Not sure what went into it but the dinner conversaiton started off with what I assume begins all family meals...."I thought it would be nice to make this for the hotdog thing. Sausage counts as two right?" I need not go into the details of what happened later, but she knew standard hotdog conversions and actually helped with this adventure. Didn't know how to compliment her so I simply gazed into her eyes and said, "honey, you are my beef queen." she left the room. Does 30 days of dog bliss bring couples closer together kind of like a couples retreat? more on that later.

Earlier that day I crushed 2 at the Quick Trip above and either Copperfield or Chris Angel was there because I was treated to smoke and mirrors. How Pig? Glad you asked..... Walked in and 6 large areas of roller dogs all full. Spicy dogs, hot dogs, corn dogs, and well that was about it. below average condiments and packets of relish and onions. Have you had gas station packet onions? It's chunky snot. When you actually look at this spread you realize that it's only 3 kinds of dogs and below average condiments. When I walked out with two in hand I merely said to the clerk... "nice try Q T.... nice try." he knew what i meant.

2 at Q T (despite selection and condiments. best price by far)
1 at Kwik Shop 96th and Q (the best word to describe it?....moist)
Crock sausages.

The least Sexiest Birthday Ever

Another Birthday here and gone and eating hotdogs for a month and blogging about it maybe the highlight of the year. Sure I may have a had a baby during Mustache month (more on that later) but seeking out the best rollerdog has to earn a top spot in this years ESPY's. Here you see a complimentary shirt given to me by the owner of Chicago Dawg and the signature hotdog on the menu. One would think a combination of pickle, relish, peppers, mustard, and a bun would be suspect. You would be wrong. Then you would try it and be dead wrong. And then the owner would beat you for doubting. That's no joke, I heard a customer ask if something "was any good." After an inquisitive stare and a flurry of condiments that same customer probably won't walk again.

A fine birthday and several friends stopped by. A special thanks to The Doug for showing me the Chicago Dawg Ropes and Mrs. Pig for organizing. It's off to the Roller world where apparently Quick Trip has an afternoon delight special*.

Couple of breakfast sausages over the weekend.

2 roller dogs at the gas station 72nd and F. won't even comment on it.

1 roller at Phillips 66 near Sapp Brothers. Quality dog was elevated but condiments were typical and average. (i know typical and average are the same thing I just want to stress how normal it was).

No Mustache Needed

How do you know you are a man? you eat hotdogs

More of a Man? you eat bratwursts

Even more? you eat cheddar Brats

mo? you kill the deer to make them

That's right boys we have all been trumped by my boss who I will call "The O." Here he is with his kill and instead of growing a stache he made cheddar deer brats instead. I don't think a mechanic playing poker, drinking beer, and watching porn could out do this in the dude spectrum. The rifle in the picture was for protection....the deers. The O hunts with his bare hands and then makes the bratwurst right there in the field. Simply awesome.

Now that I can move on from my man crush I can review them. Ate 2 of these things and they were very tasty. I know it was a departure from the rollerdog quest but it was obviously needed. I cooked them a little long because when I bit into them a bunch of hot juice squirted down my lip* After eating these I also knocked out a spicy bratwurst from Fareway. Holy Buckets I am still sweating. With those three items in me it's just a matter of time before heading, running, or sprinting off to a poor unfortunate facility.

a reminder about tomorrow night. Hot Dawgs at Chicago Dawg at 108th and Maple 7 ish and then off to Prestige for a band (kid you not) called Soul Dawg. What are the chances? Is it possible that the mere mention of a hotdog party brings out entertainment for all? more on that later.

well. gotta go. touchin cotton already.

dog on