Day 31: The Return of the Costco-Dog

Well friends, I made it.

I ate my final hot dog of the month at the Costco in Alpharetta, GA. A bit anti-climactic, but at least this 1/4 pound dog adds two to my tally. In total, taking into consideration brat/footlong conversion rates, I consumed 63 hot dogs.

63 hot dogs is a lot, but it is not nearly as impressive as The Mole's 100 hot dogs last month. It is even less spectacular when you consider that Joey "Jaws" Chestnut ate 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes to win the 2009 Nathan's hot dog eating contest. Nevertheless, I'm proud of my achievement. I still averaged over 2 hot dogs per day, though just barely.

In terms of physical condition, I could not be healthier. I am officially down 1.5 lbs. My biceps are stronger. My abs are tighter. My skin feels better. I have more hair on my chest.

There will be doubters. To them, I submit the following photographic evidence of my transformation. On August 1st, I was weak, pale and sad. I had little ambition and drooled all over myself:

Look at me 30 days later. I am strong like a bull, smart as a fox, and hung like a horse:

In all seriousness, Hot Dog Month was an absolute blast, and I am sorry it is over so soon.

I owe a tremendous amount of thanks to my friends and family for allowing me to have so much fun with it. Special thanks to my wife. She endured many hot dog meals herself, and several lonesome nights while your truly sat in front of a computer trying to think of funny things to say about wieners.

As the sun sets on my Hot Dog Month, it rises for our next challenger, known to me only as "Big Doug of Nebraska". Good luck, Big Doug!

German Dogs, et al.

A few more hot dog adventures to report before my last big day.

August 27 - Naked Dog

Just one home-made naked dog to report. Hot dog count: 55.

August 28 - Corn Dog

Another boring day - a single corn dog at dinner time. Hot dog count: 56.

August 29 - German Dogs

After two pretty weak single-dog days I decided to step it up a bit and seek out some authentic German sausages. Wound up at a place called "German Restaurant" in Stone Mountain, GA. Clever name, eh? A bit of a haul out there from our place, and it you always risk bumping into a Civil War reenactment driving through Stone Mountain, but the trip was totally worth it. First of all, this place had a really interesting and impressive beer menu. For an appetizer they brought us a huge frickin' pretzel -- the most awesome pretzel I had ever seen or tasted:

I ordered a sausage plate for lunch with Knackwurst and Weisswurst. They were sausagey and delicious.

Per the USDA conversion rates, I get to add a total of three to my count. Hot dog count: 59.

August 30: Well-Paired Dogs

We spent the day at a friend's house, hoping to swim, but Mother Nature had different plans. No disappointment here: our hosts were thoughtful enough to serve hot dogs and sausages for lunch! Even more impressive, they paired the dogs with bottles of Duck Horn and Silver Oak. Sort of like wearing a tuxedo to a hoe-down, but hey - it worked.

Hot dog count: 61.

Dog on...for one more day...

The Mexican Lives!

No, I am not dead, as some of you have undoubtedly concluded.

Things just got a little hectic at work. Unfortunately, the phrase "I couldn't deliver the software enhancement on time because I was writing about hot dogs" wasn't going to fly. As an independent contractor, I have no rights under HABLA (the Hot-dog And Brat Leave Act of 2009), which allows an employee to take up to 31 days of job-protected leave to focus on the consumption of sausages.

In any event, we have some catching up to do. It has been a busy 10 days since my last post:

August 17: Home Dogs

Two home-cooked Yellow Dogs (plain w/ mustard only). Hot dog count: 37.

August 18: Bobby G's

I was delighted to find Bobby G's Chicago Eatery, just a mile or two from my office. The interior is covered with Chicago memorabilia, and the menu will make any Windy City native feel right at home. And the dogs? Wonderful. Hot dog count: 39.

August 19: Late-Night Dog

One Yellow Dog at One-O'Clock in the morning. Generally, not a good idea to eat after 7:00 PM. The exception to this rule is, you guessed it, hot dogs. Hot dog count: 40.

August 20: Birthday Cake Dogs

Celebrated my birthday with a specially designed hot dog cake. We're not talking about some banal creation simply shaped like a wiener or decorated with faux-condiment frosting. This thing really had weenies in it:

(Those franks became slightly more erect when I blew out the flames. It was creepy.) Hot dog count: 42

August 21: Turner Field Dogs?

No! I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but I went to a Braves-Marlins game at Turner Field and did NOT eat a hot dog. I did eat two dogs when I got home. But then two dogs don't make a right, do they? Hot dog count: 44.

August 22: Frog-Dog

You readers might not believe this, but yours truly -- The Mexican -- is actually 25% French. Don't hold it against me. Anyway, this morning I decided to do my part in repairing American-French relations. I thought if I could somehow merge the distinctly American tradition of cooking hot dogs with traditional French cuisine, the world would be a better place. Not a bad goal for a Saturday morning.

To start, I whipped up a mean batch of crêpes:

Next, I sliced up a dog (on the bias), sauteed the pieces for a few minutes, then deglazed the pan with some white wine:

Finally, I filled a crêpe with the dogs and a few bits of triple-cream Brie cheese.

Ce' magnifique! Hot dog count: 45.

August 23: Sabbath Dog

Even the Good Lord took a break once in a while; no hot dogs were consumed today.

August 24: More Home Dogs

Two home-cooked Yellow Dogs. Hot dog count: 47.

August 25: Half-Century

Two chili-dogs and one slaw-dog from The Varsity for lunch today. They slid out just as easily as they slid in. Hot dog count: 50.

August 26: Greek Dogs

Lunch at A&W again for two chili-cheese Coney dogs with onions. For dinner tonight I took a crack at Greek-inspired hot dogs: toppings included a homemade lemon-garlic-oregano sauce, feta cheese, tomatoes and olives. Would have been better on a pita, but only had white bread. In the end, very salty and weird. Hot dog count: 54.

Did Hot Dogs Kill The Mexican?

No. Hot dogs did not kill The Mexican. We can only assume that in his meat-induced euphoria he has lost the inclination to post about his adventure and instead is just living the Hot Dog Life. Perhaps the search for that next dog has consumed him and he is simply wandering around like so much Cheech and Chong.

Nevertheless, I can't allow the internet rumor mill to start talking about how the dogs killed him or at least shut down that part of his brain that he uses to log in and write about his various mouthfuls of sausage. Who knows? What we do know is that hot dogs, consumed in moderation, or in abundance, improve quality of life and promote follicle growth. It has also been shown to add luster to your coat.

The Mole.

Dog on . . .

BONUS BLOG POST FROM THE MOLE!!

For those of you (The Mexican and my wife) who followed the Mole's inaugural hot dog voyage in July you may recall the entry called the Hot Dog Diet. Kind of tongue in cheek, but I did lose 4 pounds during the month in which I ate 100 hot dogs.

Well, the good news just keeps on coming. Yesterday I had some bloodwork done and my cholesterol is off the charts - good! Compared to a year ago I shaved 50 points off my bad cholesterol and added 15 to my good. Blood pressure is 100/44. Thats right, I'm 18 again. Its like a hot dog fueled time machine for your heart. I had the following exchange with my female doctor:

"So did you do anything different lately, are your working out a lot?"

"Well, in July I ate 100 hot dogs."

Blank stare.

"I just started eating them and decided to see how many I could eat and wrote a blog about it."

Blank stare. "Really? Why?"

"Well, until now I never really had a good reason, but now I can tell people that I did it for my health and I have your medical opinion to support the results that hot dogs lower cholesterol and blood pressure while adding to the enjoyment of life."

Blank stare. "Anything else?"

"Just diet and exercise, but there is no reason to believe that had any impact. Lots of people try that."

I'm still quite certain she doesn't really know what happened during that conversation, so it may be a bit more difficult to get her to sign on to be our medical spokesperson when we do the infomercial. Nevertheless, science don't lie (unless we're talking about evolution). So to The Mexican and all future Hot Dog Bloggers, now you have a response for those Whole Foods types that are questioning the health effects of eating hot dogs for a month. In fact, I dream of a day that hot dogs are prescribed for their medicinal value. Broken leg? 50 hot dogs. Obesity? Eat lower fat hot dogs (and try to keep it to 5 per feeding). Diabetes? Wilford Brimley says to eat hot dogs with Splenda.

Hear that Obama? You are from Chicago, home of the greatest dog. You are missing a golden opportunity to combine Chicago dogs with your health care reform and become the greatest President ever. Instead, you are throwing terribly attended parties at the White House (free beer and only two people show up? Lame friends.) I knew we should have elected a grown up. Maybe if you would have had a Chicago dog you would have had the strength to throw a baseball all the way to home plate. Or wear boy pants. Nevertheless, lets not let our girly president detract from the staggering medical study performed by one person on one person with no control and no real testing protocol. Lets simply take a few facts out of context and blend them together to support our pre-determined result. Hot dogs, consumed in large quantities, improve overall health, heart health, cholesterol, and general awesomeness.

And Happy Birthday to The Mexican. Hot dogs can even make you older. Is there anything they can't do?

Dog on. . . .

Mike's Hot Dogs

This afternoon my wife and I took the twins to Mike's Hot Dogs in Sandy Springs for lunch. I had been to Mike's several times in the past, so I already knew that these would be the best hot dogs in Atlanta.

Like all good restaurants in the ATL, Mike's is located in a strip mall. The Vienna Beef sign is an indication that you've come to the right place for quality dogs.

The walls are covered with Chicago history, sports and hot-dog related memorabilia.

My favorite was this poster from Vienna. As a reminder, I'll punch you in the face if I see you putting ketchup on a hot dog.

I ordered two Chicago Dogs with everything on them, and they were wonderful. All of the ingredients are authentic, right down to the freaky bright-green relish.

Check out this cross-section of my first dog (I always squeeze the hot peppers inside the dog so they don't go shooting across the room when I chomp down, potentially blinding one of my co-eaters).

The only thing at Mike's that that turned my stomach were a handful of White Sox posters, but I guess Atlanta is technically south of Madison Street, so we'll let that slide.

Hot dog count: 35

Dog on...

Swamp Dog

Had a couple of home-made dogs w/ mustard for lunch today. I should be investing in ConAgra Foods (they own Hebrew National).

For dinner, I decided to make some gumbo. I didn't have the foresight to throw a dog or two into the gumbo, so I did the next best thing: loaded up a hot dog with a pile of gumbo and hot sauce. Kind of like a Chili Dog, but more disgusting. I named it Swamp Dog, inhaled it, and spent the rest of the night battling a Category Four hurricane in my belly.

Hot dog count: 33

Dog on...

A&W Dog

For lunch today I horked down a chili-cheese Coney dog from the joint A&W / KFC near my office building. I guess hot dogs are like pizza in that even when they're bad, they're still pretty good.

A little midnight snack of two naked dogs w/ mustard, and I add three dogs to my tally.

Hot dog count: 29

Dog on...

Working-From-Home Dogs

Decided to work from home today. Meeting up with my Medtronic liaison later in the afternoon, so there may be little opportunity for dog-consumption this evening. Threw down two corn dogs for lunch just in case.

Hot dog count: 26

Dog on...

Brats

Nothing special to report today: two brats on the grill.

Hot dog count: 24.

Dog on...

Near-death Experience

On the way back to Atlanta we stopped at a Five Guys. I ordered a bacon cheese hot dog. A what? Yes, a bacon cheese hot dog. It will be a miracle if I live to see my 36th birthday.

Hot dog count: 21

Dog on...

All Hail Knackwurst!

For brunch/lunch today my wife and I met our dear friends Melley* and Karvin* at a place called Katz NY Deli in Charlotte. I had been dreaming about eating anything other than a hot dog all morning, but as we strolled up to the storefront we were met with this sign:

Favorite hot dog? I was powerless to ignore this assertion.

I actually opted for the Knackwurst, served on a bun with Sauerkraut. It was delish. It was huge. Fortunately, one of our friends is a doctor. He monitored my vitals as I made my way through the sausage, and aside from a few irregular heartbeats I came through unscathed.

I'm scoring this one as two dogs.

Hot dog count: 20

Dog on...

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Skin Thrashers

This morning we packed up and headed to Charlotte, NC to visit family and friends. While my wife drove through South Carolina, I decided to Google for an interesting hot dog joint near Greenville -- roughly our half-way point where we'd stop to gas up and grab some lunch.

It didn't take long to realize that the obvious choice was a place called Skins Hot Dogs. There were about 10 Skins restaurants in the area. Apparently Lloyd "Skin" Trasher opened up the first Skins in Anderson, SC in 1946. Yes, his nickname was Skin. That makes the official name "Skin Thrasher's Hot Dogs". I wish I was making that up.

We rolled up at about 10:30 AM to this glorious facade:

Unfortunately, they didn't open this particular branch until 11:00. Bollocks! We used the GPS to find a little park nearby and fed the boys. Lacking a proper bottle warmer, we got a bit creative:

We arrived back at Skins at 11:15. The best way I can describe the decor is "utilitarian". "Dirty" also comes to mind. But the beauty here is in the menu. Let's see if I can re-create it from memory:

• Hot Dogs

Uh, yep. That's it. Of course you could get a few sides and drinks, but there are no other entrees served here.

Okay, to be more precise you could either get a hot dog or a chili dog. I decided to get one of each. When the teeny-bopper waitress took my order, she informed me that the chili dogs are not normally served with a hot dog. Say what? I insisted on the hot dog.

When the meal arrived, I ended up with two chili dogs. Oh well, at least they both had a hot dog in them. Again, not much to look at:

See that whitish thing underneath the chili? That's the hot dog. Apparently made from an albino cow.

Given everything we had seen (and smelled) so far, I really expected to hate these hot dogs. But old Skin Thrasher had something special in store for us. Gastritis? Oily discharge? No matter; these things were tasty!

Hot dog count: 18

Dog on...

Corn Dogs

Dinner tonight consisted of three frozen corn dogs. (I heated them up before I ate them.)

Hot Dog Count: 16

Dog on...

A Healthy Twist

For dinner tonight I prepared my own Chicago-style dogs. In an effort to extend my life by a few days I decided to use Fat-Free Oscar Mayer wieners. They're made with turkey, and they're terrible on their own, but with all of the crazy condiments on a Chicago dog you hardly notice the difference.

While I'm thinking about it, let's review what goes into a proper Chicago-style hot dog:

1. Mustard
2. Onion
3. Freaky Bright Green Relish
4. Dill Pickle
5. Tomato Wedges
6. Sport Peppers
7. Celery Salt

Served in a poppy seed bun, the wiener is traditionally steamed or boiled.

Notice that you do not see Ketchup listed as an ingredient. If I ever see you putting Ketchup on a hot dog I will punch you in the face.

Hot Dog Count: 13

Dog on...

Slaw Dogs at The Varsity

For lunch today I selected an Atlanta fast food institution: The Varsity. The history of the The Varsity is long and boring, so I'll summarize:

• Started by a Georgia Tech drop-out in Midtown Atlanta
• Became and remains the world's largest drive-up fast food restaurant
• Visited mostly by tourists
• Responsible for more loose stool and explosive diarrhea than any other eatery in the Southeast

Sadly, I work in the stuffy northern suburb of Alpharetta, GA ("Alpharetta" is an old Cherokee word meaning "Democrats Not Welcome"). This is nowhere near Midtown Atlanta. Fortunately, The Varsity has spread its wings and opened up several satellite locations throughout Georgia, one of which is just a few miles from the office.

The menu here is relatively simple:

(Check out that sweet pony tail on the old dude in front of me. Rock on, brother.)

You may have noticed the "Slaw Dog". As The Mole explained last month, here in the South people will put cole slaw on just about anything: barbeque, pizza, oatmeal, you name it. Hot dogs are no exception. I decided to try two Slaw Dogs, with onion rings just for giggles.

I have to say "not bad". Well played, Southerners, well played.

Hot Dog Count: 11

Dog on...

Five Guys Burgers and Fries...and Hot Dogs...?

...you betcha'. Everyone knows that Five Guys serves up some delicious burgers and fries (the peanuts ain't bad either). What you might not realize is that they supply some pretty decent hot dogs too.

I opted for a straight-up Kosher dog, as close to Chicago-style as I could make it (they do not stock sport peppers or celery salt, and the relish wasn't freaky bright green like it is in Chitown). Very tasty.

Hot Dog Count: 9

Dog on...

Costco-dog

On my lunch hour I popped over to Costco to pick up some infant formula (with six-month-old twins, I do this every other day). I've always been curious about the food court at Costco, and noticed that they sold hot dogs. Perfect!

First of all, this was a great value: $1.50 for a soda and a huge frickin' hot dog. I mean this this thing was like, uh, Costco-sized. Sort of like eating an entire pork tenderloin on a bun. The quality wasn't bad either.

Because of its girth, I'm counting it as two hot dogs.

Hot Dog Count: 8

Dog on...

Nathan's Wurst

Today I enjoyed my first professionally prepared hot dogs. About a year ago our local Bruster's ice cream shop was half-invaded by Nathan's Famous hot dogs. Now you can enjoy a greasy frankfurter with your strawberry-banana smoothie. How weird.

Anyway, I opted for a plain dog with mustard and a chili cheese dog. Honestly? They were terrible. I mean they come from Coney Island, what do you expect. As a native of Chicago I can tell you authoritatively that there are three things New Yorkers just don't get:

1. How to prepare a hot dog
2. How to bake a pizza
3. How to rig an election

Hot Dog Count: 6

Dog on...

Naked

Today was pretty weak in terms of hot dog consumption. Still no buns. All I could muster was a single hot dog enjoyed just as the good Lord intended: buck ass nekkid. (I'm talking about the hot dog; I was fully clothed at the time.)

At this point, I'd like to bring this blog back to its roots in Mathematics, in order to set some expectations. I don't see how I could possibly consume 100 hot dogs in a month, and I believe that The Mole's record will stand. However...

As you know, Mexicans are comparatively short people, and I'm no exception*: 5' 10". The Mole stands at a freakish 6' 7", if memory serves.

5' 10" = 70 inches

6' 7" = 79 inches

70 / 79 = 0.886

0.886 * 100 hot dogs = 88.6 hot dogs

Therefore, on a weighted scale I will shatter The Mole's record as I nibble through the last third of my 88th hot dog.

Hot Dog Count: 4

Dog on...

* As a reminder, I'm still not Mexican.

Perro Caliente

Hungry for some lunch, I still had exactly zero hot dog buns in the house. I did, however, have a package of flour tortillas. Every good Mexican* always has a few tortillas on hand. I'm a huge fan of Taco Bell's Beef Mexi-Melt, and thought with a little creativity I could replicate this amazing treat...hot dog style.

Fired up the grill, and split two dogs lengthwise. Charred them up, along with a few bits of a pepper from my garden. Wrapped them up in tortillas with some cheese and voilá...

I decided that the only beverage worthy of accompanying this delightful dish was a frosty can of Bud Light Chelada. This concoction is a mixture of beer, salt, lime and Clamato. Clamato, if you're not familiar with it, is a tangy tomato cocktail made with, and I quote, "dried clam broth". Sounds wrong? It is oh-so-right. You're not a man until you've consumed a beer labeled with a seafood allergen warning.

Hot Dog Count: 3

Dog on ...

* I often forget that I am not actually Mexican. Please refer to my previous post.

Goodbye Loose Meats. Hello Tube Meats.

It is Saturday, August 1st, 2009, 10:20 AM. I'm wearing boxer shorts and an old Gap t-shirt encrusted with baby spit-up. I stumble to the kitchen, open up the 'fridge, and locate an unopened package of Hebrew National hot dogs. As I slice into the bag, the sweet smell of beefy goodness overwhelms me. I savor the moment. It's finally here, the first day of Hot Dog Month. The beginning of the end of my life?

When my friend The Mole first introduced the idea of eating hot dogs for an entire month, I thought it was pretty stupid and a little crazy. But as he soldiered through the month, sucking down scores of hot dogs on his way to 100, I began to see the beauty in his campaign. It was something that I wanted to be a part of, though to this day I can't exactly explain why.

Sometime around the third week of July, in what I assume was some sort of spiritual, hot-dog induced trance, The Mole was inspired with a vision of genius:

Pass the torch, month after month, so that others may find their way in life through the consumption of high-fat cylinders of ground animal parts.

I am so humbled and honored to be the second link in what I assume will be a chain of tube-meat eaters that stretches throughout eternity.

Now, I'd like to clear up a few things in this, my first post of Hot Dog Month:

1. Yes, I was a vegetarian, even a vegan, not so long ago. I view my participation in HDM as repentance for that dark period in my life. That said, I'd like to point out one thing: except for the wiener part, a hot dog is a vegan-friendly food. No animals are harmed in the making of a hot dog. Again, except for the actual wiener.
2. My blog name identifies me as The Mexican. I am not actually Mexican, as far as anyone can tell, though I am proud to be associated with the peoples of Mexico. I do have an unusual penchant for low-rider automobiles, Tequila, and spicy foods. I also bear children in broods.
3. I would not be able to do this without the support of my sponsor, Medtronic, Inc. Their generous donations will help to keep my pantry well-stocked with all of the supplies and equipment required to participate in Hot Dog Month. That reminds me: come out an see me on August 8th. I'll be at Matt's Chicago Dog in Sandy Springs, handing out free samples of Medtronic's latest implantable cardioverter-defibrillator.

Back in the kitchen. I'm not quite sure how to prepare my first hot dog. For one, I have no buns. Also, it is now 10:21 AM. Not exactly hot dog hour. Back in the 'fridge, I grab some eggs and milk. It is time for a Hot Dog Scramble.

Hot Dogs Consumed: 1

Dog on ...

It Is Finished.

July is over, and so ends my month of eating hot dogs. I made it to 100 with a ceremonial dog downing at 94/95 with my Leadership Omaha friends (they were there for an event already, I wouldn't have expected that kind of turnout simply to watch me eat a hot dog). Coney Stop provided the final two dogs. Most people simply ask me why I would do something like that, and the answer is always the same. If you have to ask, maybe there isn't a good answer.

Hot dogs are good for you. I lost 4 pounds during Hot Dog Month. They are portable, convenient, and ultimately American. I finally got a "you wouldn't eat hot dogs if you knew what was in them" comment from an overly dramatic girlfriend of a friend of mine. "Really?" I replied, marveling that it had not occured to her that somewhere in my 36 years on this earth I would have figured out what a hot dog was. If I had more guts I would have simply responded, "I guess I never thought about that, what is in hot dogs." Then when she tells me I could stage a violent reaction as though it is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard and throw up on her, apologize, and thank her for educating me. Then I would ask her where chicken nuggets come from. Besides the fact that I cannot throw up on command, there are probably other problems with that response.

Now I turn this blog over to my buddy The Mexican in Atlanta. He has already begun his challenge and he will blog during the month of August. You may recall from the hot dogs across America blog that they like coleslaw down there, and he may add some ethnic twists because of his heritage.

Fight the good fight brother.

Dog on . . .