It is Finished....

Perhaps the biblical verse of this title reflects the deeply religious undertaking some one goes through while eating hotdogs for a month. Perhaps it is a blasphemous reference that will result in a certain "pig"going to hell. Either way. It was one heck of a ride. I may not have secured the leader in volume of hotdogs but I guarantee the miles I chalked up hunting the perfect roller dog will no doubt create chapters within an elementary history book. I am sure by now you are all waiting to hear my untold stories of the numerous "More on that later" stories but.... with a Soprano-isc ending I leave you with nothing.

I do however give sign of you an ultimate display of dedication...my daughters first Halloween as a hot dog. She came complete with mustard, and ketchup and surprisingly the phrase HOTdog was no joke. This thing was like an oven. She was burning up in that thing so she only made for a little while but you know what they say..."with great hotdog toddler costumes come great responsibility."

Its been a good ride, or "roll" if you will and I gladly pass on the torch to someone who hopefully takes after the 100 hot dog limit. On a side not "The Doug" went as Billy Mays for Halloween and I got to see a picture. Fanfreakintastic. Hopefully he will grace us with a picture in a bonus post.

Friday hit the gas stop at 24th and Leavenworth. not gonna go there.

2 dogs crushed at Sinclair 132nd and Maple (I think). Not bad but West Maple is the devil so it tasted like crap out of spite.

Dog on and Good night.

A King has Been Crowned

It is with excitement and anticipation I get to announce the dramatic conclusion of my quest of the perfect roller dog. Drum roll please.... no? alright how about hands banging on a desk? ...please.....no seriously do it. Now that you are in such a frenzy; I (and my colon) are pleased to announce that the Bucky's at 108th and L has trumped all roller dogs in the Omaha Metro area. 4 kinds of hotdogs, buns in plastic containers housed in a warmer with steam to keep them fresh, and the kicker?.....condiments. We are talking pump and packet ketchup, mustard, etc. Fresh diced onions, jalapenos, sauerkraut, sweet peppers, relish, sweet relish, numerous other sauces and a sweet prep area where the magic happens. Below average price and you are in gas station hotdog heaven (which i suppose may be the very lamest heaven but who am I to judge?)



This mega convenience store arose from the concrete of 108th St like a ,...oh forget it. I didn't want to go to another Quick Trip and deal with their magic so I ran in there on a whim....or fate? I probably fit right in since I walked up to the hotdog mecca and smiled while I stewed over my choices in taking full advantage of their 2 for $2.22 special. I happily paid and when i walked out I said, "Congrats Mark (that was the name on the shirt) you win." I only have to assume he hears this all of the time because he pretended ignore me and look puzzled. Never the less I thanked him for his part in my happy ending * and strolled out the door satisfied *.



Luckily I still have a few days in this odyssey to try out some other locals suggested to me over this month. You have not heard the last of the pig.



2 at Shell near 114 and Dodge. pitiful excuse for a dog. and the clerk now knows it.

2 at Hy Vee gas 90th and Center. Not terrible but not cooked. There was a sign that said "hotdogs behind this sign are ready." I assure you they were not ready despite the signage. A friendly smile in every aisle huh? ....perhaps there is, but its a dirty, whorish, lying smile.

Will No Roller Dog fill my Bun?

The Pig's son the other day said, "Hey Dad, its apparent through your heightened wisdom and overall attractiveness you have received an influx of vitamin HD. What gives?" Well no responsible parent would withhold the nutritional building blocks of a hotdog, or his bastard cousin the corndog. Here you find him easing into the hotdog world through a tubed and fried part of a balanced breakfast. When he polished it off he simply said, "mo daddy?" yes son. indeed mo.

Since the Huskers have given up I thought about doing the same. However the dominant Steelers greeted Favre in the most appropriate manner with a win and some sacks. To watch the Steelers game I went to some d-bags house who kindly ordered his wife to make a south american inspired topping for hotdogs. It was really good and allowed the destruction of 3 unsuspecting dogs. Props to a lad named "The Bares" for the recipe. I know he may have emailed a recipe but he's still a dude. ....right?

A rough go at it for the last several days. 3 more gas stations hit and again, nothing worthy to report. It appears the perfect dog, bun, fresh toppings, and price are elusive as a raping polish film producer. It was difficult to hit many stations this weekend because I worked police overtime at a swine flu clinic (insert joke here).

3 at a football game, again warmish. 3 at a house, and 4 from 2 different stations.

dog on

Smoke and Mirrors

So I was wrestling a bear the other day and the wife called my office. That's Mrs Pig to some of you but I like to call her my Oinkstress. She said when I get home from work I was in for a dinner treat. My natural response was "well, I am hitting the Quick Trip at 84th and F for a 2 for $2.00 roller dog special so your treat better be beat that." she hung up.

When I got home I was greeted with a crock pot of potatoes and summer sausage. The sausage was juicy, warm, and tender.* Not sure what went into it but the dinner conversaiton started off with what I assume begins all family meals...."I thought it would be nice to make this for the hotdog thing. Sausage counts as two right?" I need not go into the details of what happened later, but she knew standard hotdog conversions and actually helped with this adventure. Didn't know how to compliment her so I simply gazed into her eyes and said, "honey, you are my beef queen." she left the room. Does 30 days of dog bliss bring couples closer together kind of like a couples retreat? more on that later.

Earlier that day I crushed 2 at the Quick Trip above and either Copperfield or Chris Angel was there because I was treated to smoke and mirrors. How Pig? Glad you asked..... Walked in and 6 large areas of roller dogs all full. Spicy dogs, hot dogs, corn dogs, and well that was about it. below average condiments and packets of relish and onions. Have you had gas station packet onions? It's chunky snot. When you actually look at this spread you realize that it's only 3 kinds of dogs and below average condiments. When I walked out with two in hand I merely said to the clerk... "nice try Q T.... nice try." he knew what i meant.

2 at Q T (despite selection and condiments. best price by far)
1 at Kwik Shop 96th and Q (the best word to describe it?....moist)
Crock sausages.

The least Sexiest Birthday Ever

Another Birthday here and gone and eating hotdogs for a month and blogging about it maybe the highlight of the year. Sure I may have a had a baby during Mustache month (more on that later) but seeking out the best rollerdog has to earn a top spot in this years ESPY's. Here you see a complimentary shirt given to me by the owner of Chicago Dawg and the signature hotdog on the menu. One would think a combination of pickle, relish, peppers, mustard, and a bun would be suspect. You would be wrong. Then you would try it and be dead wrong. And then the owner would beat you for doubting. That's no joke, I heard a customer ask if something "was any good." After an inquisitive stare and a flurry of condiments that same customer probably won't walk again.

A fine birthday and several friends stopped by. A special thanks to The Doug for showing me the Chicago Dawg Ropes and Mrs. Pig for organizing. It's off to the Roller world where apparently Quick Trip has an afternoon delight special*.

Couple of breakfast sausages over the weekend.

2 roller dogs at the gas station 72nd and F. won't even comment on it.

1 roller at Phillips 66 near Sapp Brothers. Quality dog was elevated but condiments were typical and average. (i know typical and average are the same thing I just want to stress how normal it was).

No Mustache Needed

How do you know you are a man? you eat hotdogs

More of a Man? you eat bratwursts

Even more? you eat cheddar Brats

mo? you kill the deer to make them

That's right boys we have all been trumped by my boss who I will call "The O." Here he is with his kill and instead of growing a stache he made cheddar deer brats instead. I don't think a mechanic playing poker, drinking beer, and watching porn could out do this in the dude spectrum. The rifle in the picture was for protection....the deers. The O hunts with his bare hands and then makes the bratwurst right there in the field. Simply awesome.

Now that I can move on from my man crush I can review them. Ate 2 of these things and they were very tasty. I know it was a departure from the rollerdog quest but it was obviously needed. I cooked them a little long because when I bit into them a bunch of hot juice squirted down my lip* After eating these I also knocked out a spicy bratwurst from Fareway. Holy Buckets I am still sweating. With those three items in me it's just a matter of time before heading, running, or sprinting off to a poor unfortunate facility.

a reminder about tomorrow night. Hot Dawgs at Chicago Dawg at 108th and Maple 7 ish and then off to Prestige for a band (kid you not) called Soul Dawg. What are the chances? Is it possible that the mere mention of a hotdog party brings out entertainment for all? more on that later.

well. gotta go. touchin cotton already.

dog on

It's a Family Affair

As you can see by this picture our Great Hotdog Craze of 2009 has branched out to our families. The Mexican in Atlanta involuntarily hurled his wife into the fray and The Mole's wife contributed greatly to his efforts through eye rolling and countless statements which began with "why are you ...." and "Do we really have to...."

Naturally my family is no exception. You find here myself and my son aka "The Tank" (future blogger in 2020) in front of the local Supersaver. I saw the Oscar Mayer Wiener mobile driving down the road and naturally mans' basic instinct took over and I pursued him relentlessly (for about 2 blocks). Luckily the chase was brief since we were on our way to the emergency room for some internal bleeding thing Joe had but more on that later.

I was able to get this picture and when I asked the driver which blogger has been his favorite thus far he gave me this blank stare. Now....since I am a trained observer of body language I took this to be his speechless comment stating, "Well I guess the best would be the Mole since he started it but whoever has it now is probably the most qualified. And may I say you are very good looking." My interpretation was all but confirmed when he said, "so do you want a free hot dog or not?" Yes wiener man....I do.

Forgot the Doug Joke. The driver stated "since I drive in the tip of this dog you have to be extra careful when parking" *

BP at 72nd and Harrison. Good Dogs. Average Price. The Twist?...condiment bar had relish, an empty tray where I assume onions go, and Jalapenos. A fun diversion for the taste, not so fun for my afternoon.

Went into Casey's. No dogs. none of them have them. Hate Casey's.

2 dogs killed atBP. 1 bathroom killed at an unknown location

Bonus post B-Day Party!!!

Just got confirmation from "The Pig's" wife that I will be celebrating my Birthday at Chicago Dawg in Omaha. It is by the Bag and Save near 108th and Maple in the strip mall. According to some previous bloggers it is something else in the world of frankfurterous magnificous. there will be dogs, beers, philisophical discourse, and a brief 3 hour power point on accounting ethics in the sub committee environment. (spoiler ALERT! two of these things are false)

This Saturday October 17th we will be there 7 ish to begin the evening. Come one come all...and then go home and poop.

A Ball, a Don, and Something Wicked This Way Came

A delightful weekend was had by all. I attended an elegant ball which translates to "fancy shmancy dance" in hotdog lingo. It was the Aksarben Ball where my niece was a Page. Very pinkies up and the wife and I attended just a portion of it to watch our niece run up and down the catwalk almost in an effort to tell Right Said Fred she was too sexy for this ball.

I was able to get my doggly greased fingers on a program which included a menu for those dining at the event. Included were something something wellington, accompanied by a something something au gratin, and followed by a something something sorbet. (not Kevin Sorbo even though that would have been sweet). Suspiciously missing was any entree, side, or even appetizer of hot dogs. No smoked weenies, mini-corndogs, full corndogs, or even bacon wrapped dog-bites which I assumed determined how fancy your event could be. Needless to say I don't regret skipping out on the meal knowing what I know now. Did my recent hotdog consumption give me a sort of spidey-sense to know where hotdogs will be? more on super powers later.

To get back on my feet, or dogs if you will (get it? it's a pun...loser) I was blessed to break bread with some family on Sunday morning. After strolling in and getting my coffee i was informed that a seperate basket of sausage and buns were made for my "special diet." The funniest thing was not that someone went through the effort to do this, but to say in all seriousness that this was for my "diet." I have never been given such special treatment. It reminds me of the scene in Goodfellows when Henry Hill said, "One day some neighborhood kids carried my mom's groceries all the way home for her. You know why?....out of respect"

When I am bragging too all of my friends about my hot-dog eating I can say..."When I go to brunch people make hot dogs just for me. You know why....out of pity?"

To get back to my quest I killed a breakfast polish Sausage at 0800 hrs (that's 8 am for you normies) form the BP at 72nd and 370. Decent product, terrible condiments, average price.

Then for lunch checked out the Eddies at 96th and Giles. The dogs were tiny little Wimmers and the Polish Sausage was purplish and shriveled*. A bizzare twist....awesome condiments. A little counter and fresh onions with packet ketchup. It was almost as if the Hotdog bar was fighting itself. Pretty much exactly like that Superman movie.

2 polish and 4 sausage links

dog on

It's a tough job but....oh forget it

At times in this job you have to get creative in order to crush the appropriate amount of dogs during a designated month of obscurity. Luckily, I am not that man. However last night I was able to pull off a staple of work/hotdog consumption feat. OK maybe not a feat exactly but I was able to co-mingle the activities to serve dual purposes. 1 - kill some dogs. and 2 - protect the innocent civilians attending a local football game from the horrific scene of a streaker or a grisly crime scene of minors (that rights I said MINORS) smoking cigarettes. Aside from all that duty bound speech I was working an overtime gig at a high school football game last night and you know what they have??????

You guessed it; hotdogs. 2 bucks a pop and they hit the spot. To describe then in a word that word would be terrible. To describe them in two words it would be (censored) terrible. No sarcasm there. I got 2 dogs out of the crock pot/roaster and they were pale, warmish, and just plain creepy. A word of advice....if you find yourself blogging for a month about hotdogs in the Omaha area and are located somewhere around the East stands of the football stadium near 108th and 370 take a hint. DON'T ORDER A DOG! the good news was the mustard vat pump was busted so I had an enormous lump of mustard in the middle of the conquest. Wait, i just threw up in my mouth a little and sharted.

dogs killed - 2

dog on

Kum and Go fill my bun

I have been back in state for a bit now and really doing some quality hot dog crushing. I have determined one of the most accessible yet tasty dog is the coveted (from the bible) roller dog you find at gas stations. I have been assessing which gas station/convenient store/kum and go/sip and split/pop a squat/poop in mouth/ has the best roller dog out there.





This is not just taste and preparation, but available condiments. After doing some research I discovered that buying my own roller machine is not cheap. More on that later. I know you can't wait. Thus far there are 3 stops made this far and the Kum and Go at 108th and Giles so far is the leader and not by much. average dog, average price, very average condiments. I have already determined that bun freshness and girth* may be more of a deciding factor than anticipated.

* deonotes specific joke for The Doug

Here you find the last night of our fishing trip when the brats we crock-potted (that's a verb by the way) turned out to be a mean poker player. I didn't see the flush on the table because the brat was tempting me like a siren and i sailed right into his rocks of spades (that odyssey reference was for the nerds....like the mole).





We will see which gas station meets my wrath next.


3 dogs killed

A Man, A boat, and a DOG

Sorry about the last blog’s aggression. May have been a bit testosterone filled with all of the fishing, beer, poker, and of course hot dogs. As an obvious display of dedication you find me here in the middle of a lake, fishing rod in one hand, dog on the other. Is it warm? Any condiments? Well ladies it wouldn’t be roughing it with all of that “fancy” or “edible” hot dog preparation.

Several fish in the well. Several dollars lost in poker. Several rolls of toilet paper used. Several hot dogs gone. Hot dogs consumed? 8. days without a shower? 3. Heading home tomorrow. Will be good to be back and return to a normal life of eating hot dogs and writing it about it. Yeah that’s normal right? Sure it is. Who said it wasn’t? did Steve tell you that? steve

Since I will be off radar for a day or two I leave you with the most appropriate question. If you were a hot dog. Would you eat yourself? It’s a simple question! For the answer click on here to see what made Harry Carey famous.

Hot Dogs Are Like Sex Panther for Fish

It is official. Up here in the land of 10,004 lakes (I counted) a new secret lure has been discovered. As you can see by the pic this northern pike can’t resist the obvious allure of a tubed meat fish killer. You think he finished it? I don’t think so. I took it out of his mouth and finished it. Then I gutted him for a fish fry and hot dog feast. Much like I would do for anyone who tries to take a hot dog from me. You’ve all been warned.

Introducing October's DogBlogger - The Pig.

For the 5 people who read this I think one of you may not know who I am. For him/her here is a brief intro….I am The Mole's younger brother. Notice how I did not say little because I outweigh him and have less hair. For nine years I have been a cop in a suburb of Omaha and have done a little bit of everything in the law enforcement game. The only things left on my resume are to (1) arrest the Wookie (aka Paul Pruess of Dekalb, Illinois) for a trumped up felony, and (2) participate in a hot dog blog. Looks like at the end of this month there is only one thing left to do before retirement.

Therefore in light of my chosen path I will be known as “The Pig.”

It would be in poor form to not thank those “brave?” men who went before me. It would also be taboo to allow a fleeting hope I will not destroy any records thus far. Therefore, in the effort of gauntlet throwing, (still don’t know where that saying came from) I feel it necessary to Roast my predecessors.

The Mole, what can I say about this guy. He is tall, dark, handsome and very intelligent. He also likes wine, playing volleyball, playing with the girls, and helping out with Uppercase Living parties. Quite the internal struggle if you ask me. Is he a South African sprinter? Only time and x-rays will tell.

The Mexican from Atlanta – he’s a cute little man. Did he actually drink wine with a hot dog? Is he still married after that? If I assume correctly he is not…then the question is did she leave him for eating hotdogs? For making her eat hot dogs? For turning orange? For him being such a small person? Or simply realizing he is The Mexican, which by what I hear from his college buddies, was inevitable. Good thing for him the wife gets half of his…well ….money? (I think Munch had the overs at 9 years but no one saw the hot dog thing coming….they never do)….I needed more dots.

Big Doug – well well well. We meet on the interweb to blog about hot dogs again. I know in all of your other dog-blogs you make comments like “I can barely fit this dog in my mouth” and “I am excited this dog fits my bun” and “I like men” but this month you have disappointed even your most loyal readers. Both of them. Over a week with nothing? The sausage council will be very disappointed. You may even get passed over as emcee for their fest this year.

But I digress,

This will be my month and I am excited to report I am currently in Minnesota in the Otter Tail area for a fall fishing trip with dudes. Also known as the stink and drink, the hot dog blog opener will be a bratwurst/sauerkraut crock pot concoction today. Pictures to follow.

Dog on.