It's a Family Affair

As you can see by this picture our Great Hotdog Craze of 2009 has branched out to our families. The Mexican in Atlanta involuntarily hurled his wife into the fray and The Mole's wife contributed greatly to his efforts through eye rolling and countless statements which began with "why are you ...." and "Do we really have to...."

Naturally my family is no exception. You find here myself and my son aka "The Tank" (future blogger in 2020) in front of the local Supersaver. I saw the Oscar Mayer Wiener mobile driving down the road and naturally mans' basic instinct took over and I pursued him relentlessly (for about 2 blocks). Luckily the chase was brief since we were on our way to the emergency room for some internal bleeding thing Joe had but more on that later.

I was able to get this picture and when I asked the driver which blogger has been his favorite thus far he gave me this blank stare. Now....since I am a trained observer of body language I took this to be his speechless comment stating, "Well I guess the best would be the Mole since he started it but whoever has it now is probably the most qualified. And may I say you are very good looking." My interpretation was all but confirmed when he said, "so do you want a free hot dog or not?" Yes wiener man....I do.

Forgot the Doug Joke. The driver stated "since I drive in the tip of this dog you have to be extra careful when parking" *

BP at 72nd and Harrison. Good Dogs. Average Price. The Twist?...condiment bar had relish, an empty tray where I assume onions go, and Jalapenos. A fun diversion for the taste, not so fun for my afternoon.

Went into Casey's. No dogs. none of them have them. Hate Casey's.

2 dogs killed atBP. 1 bathroom killed at an unknown location

Bonus post B-Day Party!!!

Just got confirmation from "The Pig's" wife that I will be celebrating my Birthday at Chicago Dawg in Omaha. It is by the Bag and Save near 108th and Maple in the strip mall. According to some previous bloggers it is something else in the world of frankfurterous magnificous. there will be dogs, beers, philisophical discourse, and a brief 3 hour power point on accounting ethics in the sub committee environment. (spoiler ALERT! two of these things are false)

This Saturday October 17th we will be there 7 ish to begin the evening. Come one come all...and then go home and poop.

A Ball, a Don, and Something Wicked This Way Came

A delightful weekend was had by all. I attended an elegant ball which translates to "fancy shmancy dance" in hotdog lingo. It was the Aksarben Ball where my niece was a Page. Very pinkies up and the wife and I attended just a portion of it to watch our niece run up and down the catwalk almost in an effort to tell Right Said Fred she was too sexy for this ball.

I was able to get my doggly greased fingers on a program which included a menu for those dining at the event. Included were something something wellington, accompanied by a something something au gratin, and followed by a something something sorbet. (not Kevin Sorbo even though that would have been sweet). Suspiciously missing was any entree, side, or even appetizer of hot dogs. No smoked weenies, mini-corndogs, full corndogs, or even bacon wrapped dog-bites which I assumed determined how fancy your event could be. Needless to say I don't regret skipping out on the meal knowing what I know now. Did my recent hotdog consumption give me a sort of spidey-sense to know where hotdogs will be? more on super powers later.

To get back on my feet, or dogs if you will (get it? it's a pun...loser) I was blessed to break bread with some family on Sunday morning. After strolling in and getting my coffee i was informed that a seperate basket of sausage and buns were made for my "special diet." The funniest thing was not that someone went through the effort to do this, but to say in all seriousness that this was for my "diet." I have never been given such special treatment. It reminds me of the scene in Goodfellows when Henry Hill said, "One day some neighborhood kids carried my mom's groceries all the way home for her. You know why?....out of respect"

When I am bragging too all of my friends about my hot-dog eating I can say..."When I go to brunch people make hot dogs just for me. You know why....out of pity?"

To get back to my quest I killed a breakfast polish Sausage at 0800 hrs (that's 8 am for you normies) form the BP at 72nd and 370. Decent product, terrible condiments, average price.

Then for lunch checked out the Eddies at 96th and Giles. The dogs were tiny little Wimmers and the Polish Sausage was purplish and shriveled*. A bizzare twist....awesome condiments. A little counter and fresh onions with packet ketchup. It was almost as if the Hotdog bar was fighting itself. Pretty much exactly like that Superman movie.

2 polish and 4 sausage links

dog on

It's a tough job but....oh forget it

At times in this job you have to get creative in order to crush the appropriate amount of dogs during a designated month of obscurity. Luckily, I am not that man. However last night I was able to pull off a staple of work/hotdog consumption feat. OK maybe not a feat exactly but I was able to co-mingle the activities to serve dual purposes. 1 - kill some dogs. and 2 - protect the innocent civilians attending a local football game from the horrific scene of a streaker or a grisly crime scene of minors (that rights I said MINORS) smoking cigarettes. Aside from all that duty bound speech I was working an overtime gig at a high school football game last night and you know what they have??????

You guessed it; hotdogs. 2 bucks a pop and they hit the spot. To describe then in a word that word would be terrible. To describe them in two words it would be (censored) terrible. No sarcasm there. I got 2 dogs out of the crock pot/roaster and they were pale, warmish, and just plain creepy. A word of advice....if you find yourself blogging for a month about hotdogs in the Omaha area and are located somewhere around the East stands of the football stadium near 108th and 370 take a hint. DON'T ORDER A DOG! the good news was the mustard vat pump was busted so I had an enormous lump of mustard in the middle of the conquest. Wait, i just threw up in my mouth a little and sharted.

dogs killed - 2

dog on

Kum and Go fill my bun

I have been back in state for a bit now and really doing some quality hot dog crushing. I have determined one of the most accessible yet tasty dog is the coveted (from the bible) roller dog you find at gas stations. I have been assessing which gas station/convenient store/kum and go/sip and split/pop a squat/poop in mouth/ has the best roller dog out there.





This is not just taste and preparation, but available condiments. After doing some research I discovered that buying my own roller machine is not cheap. More on that later. I know you can't wait. Thus far there are 3 stops made this far and the Kum and Go at 108th and Giles so far is the leader and not by much. average dog, average price, very average condiments. I have already determined that bun freshness and girth* may be more of a deciding factor than anticipated.

* deonotes specific joke for The Doug

Here you find the last night of our fishing trip when the brats we crock-potted (that's a verb by the way) turned out to be a mean poker player. I didn't see the flush on the table because the brat was tempting me like a siren and i sailed right into his rocks of spades (that odyssey reference was for the nerds....like the mole).





We will see which gas station meets my wrath next.


3 dogs killed

A Man, A boat, and a DOG

Sorry about the last blog’s aggression. May have been a bit testosterone filled with all of the fishing, beer, poker, and of course hot dogs. As an obvious display of dedication you find me here in the middle of a lake, fishing rod in one hand, dog on the other. Is it warm? Any condiments? Well ladies it wouldn’t be roughing it with all of that “fancy” or “edible” hot dog preparation.

Several fish in the well. Several dollars lost in poker. Several rolls of toilet paper used. Several hot dogs gone. Hot dogs consumed? 8. days without a shower? 3. Heading home tomorrow. Will be good to be back and return to a normal life of eating hot dogs and writing it about it. Yeah that’s normal right? Sure it is. Who said it wasn’t? did Steve tell you that? steve

Since I will be off radar for a day or two I leave you with the most appropriate question. If you were a hot dog. Would you eat yourself? It’s a simple question! For the answer click on here to see what made Harry Carey famous.

Hot Dogs Are Like Sex Panther for Fish

It is official. Up here in the land of 10,004 lakes (I counted) a new secret lure has been discovered. As you can see by the pic this northern pike can’t resist the obvious allure of a tubed meat fish killer. You think he finished it? I don’t think so. I took it out of his mouth and finished it. Then I gutted him for a fish fry and hot dog feast. Much like I would do for anyone who tries to take a hot dog from me. You’ve all been warned.