The side deal

Every good Chicagoan knows that to get any monumental task accomplished there must be a "side" deal. Facing The Mole's century mark, it seemed impossible to accomplish alone. Therefore, I have enlisted the involuntary services of The Prince to help me accomplish this feat and keep the City of Chicago streets free of snow.

Day One. We catch a lucky break, U8 house soccer comes to an abrupt end with the cancellation of the last game. (probably the terribleness of my FC Dallas charge not necessarily the field conditions). That freed considerable time implement the "side" deal. Like any good competition there must be something at stake. The Prince's fresh Halloween loot shall be the price. I establish a strict joint order escrow account with the Queen to secure the Prince's loot. The winner of the "side" deal will also obtain the loot.

Although the cancellation of the soccer game now takes the soccer league's hot dog vendor, Frank, out of play for what would be an easy daily double. We retreat to the palace and polish off two freezer burnt Ballpark Beef Franks a piece (4). I take mine the way I always have bun with shredded cheddar cheese. The Prince has a hard time committing so he takes down one without bun and ketchup and one with bun and cheese. He is young but the force is strong with this one.

Can't wait to explain to him that his candy is now being held in escrow.

The Prince 2.0 The King 2.0

It is Finished....

Perhaps the biblical verse of this title reflects the deeply religious undertaking some one goes through while eating hotdogs for a month. Perhaps it is a blasphemous reference that will result in a certain "pig"going to hell. Either way. It was one heck of a ride. I may not have secured the leader in volume of hotdogs but I guarantee the miles I chalked up hunting the perfect roller dog will no doubt create chapters within an elementary history book. I am sure by now you are all waiting to hear my untold stories of the numerous "More on that later" stories but.... with a Soprano-isc ending I leave you with nothing.

I do however give sign of you an ultimate display of dedication...my daughters first Halloween as a hot dog. She came complete with mustard, and ketchup and surprisingly the phrase HOTdog was no joke. This thing was like an oven. She was burning up in that thing so she only made for a little while but you know what they say..."with great hotdog toddler costumes come great responsibility."

Its been a good ride, or "roll" if you will and I gladly pass on the torch to someone who hopefully takes after the 100 hot dog limit. On a side not "The Doug" went as Billy Mays for Halloween and I got to see a picture. Fanfreakintastic. Hopefully he will grace us with a picture in a bonus post.

Friday hit the gas stop at 24th and Leavenworth. not gonna go there.

2 dogs crushed at Sinclair 132nd and Maple (I think). Not bad but West Maple is the devil so it tasted like crap out of spite.

Dog on and Good night.

A King has Been Crowned

It is with excitement and anticipation I get to announce the dramatic conclusion of my quest of the perfect roller dog. Drum roll please.... no? alright how about hands banging on a desk? ...please.....no seriously do it. Now that you are in such a frenzy; I (and my colon) are pleased to announce that the Bucky's at 108th and L has trumped all roller dogs in the Omaha Metro area. 4 kinds of hotdogs, buns in plastic containers housed in a warmer with steam to keep them fresh, and the kicker?.....condiments. We are talking pump and packet ketchup, mustard, etc. Fresh diced onions, jalapenos, sauerkraut, sweet peppers, relish, sweet relish, numerous other sauces and a sweet prep area where the magic happens. Below average price and you are in gas station hotdog heaven (which i suppose may be the very lamest heaven but who am I to judge?)



This mega convenience store arose from the concrete of 108th St like a ,...oh forget it. I didn't want to go to another Quick Trip and deal with their magic so I ran in there on a whim....or fate? I probably fit right in since I walked up to the hotdog mecca and smiled while I stewed over my choices in taking full advantage of their 2 for $2.22 special. I happily paid and when i walked out I said, "Congrats Mark (that was the name on the shirt) you win." I only have to assume he hears this all of the time because he pretended ignore me and look puzzled. Never the less I thanked him for his part in my happy ending * and strolled out the door satisfied *.



Luckily I still have a few days in this odyssey to try out some other locals suggested to me over this month. You have not heard the last of the pig.



2 at Shell near 114 and Dodge. pitiful excuse for a dog. and the clerk now knows it.

2 at Hy Vee gas 90th and Center. Not terrible but not cooked. There was a sign that said "hotdogs behind this sign are ready." I assure you they were not ready despite the signage. A friendly smile in every aisle huh? ....perhaps there is, but its a dirty, whorish, lying smile.

Will No Roller Dog fill my Bun?

The Pig's son the other day said, "Hey Dad, its apparent through your heightened wisdom and overall attractiveness you have received an influx of vitamin HD. What gives?" Well no responsible parent would withhold the nutritional building blocks of a hotdog, or his bastard cousin the corndog. Here you find him easing into the hotdog world through a tubed and fried part of a balanced breakfast. When he polished it off he simply said, "mo daddy?" yes son. indeed mo.

Since the Huskers have given up I thought about doing the same. However the dominant Steelers greeted Favre in the most appropriate manner with a win and some sacks. To watch the Steelers game I went to some d-bags house who kindly ordered his wife to make a south american inspired topping for hotdogs. It was really good and allowed the destruction of 3 unsuspecting dogs. Props to a lad named "The Bares" for the recipe. I know he may have emailed a recipe but he's still a dude. ....right?

A rough go at it for the last several days. 3 more gas stations hit and again, nothing worthy to report. It appears the perfect dog, bun, fresh toppings, and price are elusive as a raping polish film producer. It was difficult to hit many stations this weekend because I worked police overtime at a swine flu clinic (insert joke here).

3 at a football game, again warmish. 3 at a house, and 4 from 2 different stations.

dog on

Smoke and Mirrors

So I was wrestling a bear the other day and the wife called my office. That's Mrs Pig to some of you but I like to call her my Oinkstress. She said when I get home from work I was in for a dinner treat. My natural response was "well, I am hitting the Quick Trip at 84th and F for a 2 for $2.00 roller dog special so your treat better be beat that." she hung up.

When I got home I was greeted with a crock pot of potatoes and summer sausage. The sausage was juicy, warm, and tender.* Not sure what went into it but the dinner conversaiton started off with what I assume begins all family meals...."I thought it would be nice to make this for the hotdog thing. Sausage counts as two right?" I need not go into the details of what happened later, but she knew standard hotdog conversions and actually helped with this adventure. Didn't know how to compliment her so I simply gazed into her eyes and said, "honey, you are my beef queen." she left the room. Does 30 days of dog bliss bring couples closer together kind of like a couples retreat? more on that later.

Earlier that day I crushed 2 at the Quick Trip above and either Copperfield or Chris Angel was there because I was treated to smoke and mirrors. How Pig? Glad you asked..... Walked in and 6 large areas of roller dogs all full. Spicy dogs, hot dogs, corn dogs, and well that was about it. below average condiments and packets of relish and onions. Have you had gas station packet onions? It's chunky snot. When you actually look at this spread you realize that it's only 3 kinds of dogs and below average condiments. When I walked out with two in hand I merely said to the clerk... "nice try Q T.... nice try." he knew what i meant.

2 at Q T (despite selection and condiments. best price by far)
1 at Kwik Shop 96th and Q (the best word to describe it?....moist)
Crock sausages.

The least Sexiest Birthday Ever

Another Birthday here and gone and eating hotdogs for a month and blogging about it maybe the highlight of the year. Sure I may have a had a baby during Mustache month (more on that later) but seeking out the best rollerdog has to earn a top spot in this years ESPY's. Here you see a complimentary shirt given to me by the owner of Chicago Dawg and the signature hotdog on the menu. One would think a combination of pickle, relish, peppers, mustard, and a bun would be suspect. You would be wrong. Then you would try it and be dead wrong. And then the owner would beat you for doubting. That's no joke, I heard a customer ask if something "was any good." After an inquisitive stare and a flurry of condiments that same customer probably won't walk again.

A fine birthday and several friends stopped by. A special thanks to The Doug for showing me the Chicago Dawg Ropes and Mrs. Pig for organizing. It's off to the Roller world where apparently Quick Trip has an afternoon delight special*.

Couple of breakfast sausages over the weekend.

2 roller dogs at the gas station 72nd and F. won't even comment on it.

1 roller at Phillips 66 near Sapp Brothers. Quality dog was elevated but condiments were typical and average. (i know typical and average are the same thing I just want to stress how normal it was).

No Mustache Needed

How do you know you are a man? you eat hotdogs

More of a Man? you eat bratwursts

Even more? you eat cheddar Brats

mo? you kill the deer to make them

That's right boys we have all been trumped by my boss who I will call "The O." Here he is with his kill and instead of growing a stache he made cheddar deer brats instead. I don't think a mechanic playing poker, drinking beer, and watching porn could out do this in the dude spectrum. The rifle in the picture was for protection....the deers. The O hunts with his bare hands and then makes the bratwurst right there in the field. Simply awesome.

Now that I can move on from my man crush I can review them. Ate 2 of these things and they were very tasty. I know it was a departure from the rollerdog quest but it was obviously needed. I cooked them a little long because when I bit into them a bunch of hot juice squirted down my lip* After eating these I also knocked out a spicy bratwurst from Fareway. Holy Buckets I am still sweating. With those three items in me it's just a matter of time before heading, running, or sprinting off to a poor unfortunate facility.

a reminder about tomorrow night. Hot Dawgs at Chicago Dawg at 108th and Maple 7 ish and then off to Prestige for a band (kid you not) called Soul Dawg. What are the chances? Is it possible that the mere mention of a hotdog party brings out entertainment for all? more on that later.

well. gotta go. touchin cotton already.

dog on