Bonus post B-Day Party!!!

Just got confirmation from "The Pig's" wife that I will be celebrating my Birthday at Chicago Dawg in Omaha. It is by the Bag and Save near 108th and Maple in the strip mall. According to some previous bloggers it is something else in the world of frankfurterous magnificous. there will be dogs, beers, philisophical discourse, and a brief 3 hour power point on accounting ethics in the sub committee environment. (spoiler ALERT! two of these things are false)

This Saturday October 17th we will be there 7 ish to begin the evening. Come one come all...and then go home and poop.

A Ball, a Don, and Something Wicked This Way Came

A delightful weekend was had by all. I attended an elegant ball which translates to "fancy shmancy dance" in hotdog lingo. It was the Aksarben Ball where my niece was a Page. Very pinkies up and the wife and I attended just a portion of it to watch our niece run up and down the catwalk almost in an effort to tell Right Said Fred she was too sexy for this ball.

I was able to get my doggly greased fingers on a program which included a menu for those dining at the event. Included were something something wellington, accompanied by a something something au gratin, and followed by a something something sorbet. (not Kevin Sorbo even though that would have been sweet). Suspiciously missing was any entree, side, or even appetizer of hot dogs. No smoked weenies, mini-corndogs, full corndogs, or even bacon wrapped dog-bites which I assumed determined how fancy your event could be. Needless to say I don't regret skipping out on the meal knowing what I know now. Did my recent hotdog consumption give me a sort of spidey-sense to know where hotdogs will be? more on super powers later.

To get back on my feet, or dogs if you will (get it? it's a pun...loser) I was blessed to break bread with some family on Sunday morning. After strolling in and getting my coffee i was informed that a seperate basket of sausage and buns were made for my "special diet." The funniest thing was not that someone went through the effort to do this, but to say in all seriousness that this was for my "diet." I have never been given such special treatment. It reminds me of the scene in Goodfellows when Henry Hill said, "One day some neighborhood kids carried my mom's groceries all the way home for her. You know why?....out of respect"

When I am bragging too all of my friends about my hot-dog eating I can say..."When I go to brunch people make hot dogs just for me. You know why....out of pity?"

To get back to my quest I killed a breakfast polish Sausage at 0800 hrs (that's 8 am for you normies) form the BP at 72nd and 370. Decent product, terrible condiments, average price.

Then for lunch checked out the Eddies at 96th and Giles. The dogs were tiny little Wimmers and the Polish Sausage was purplish and shriveled*. A bizzare twist....awesome condiments. A little counter and fresh onions with packet ketchup. It was almost as if the Hotdog bar was fighting itself. Pretty much exactly like that Superman movie.

2 polish and 4 sausage links

dog on

It's a tough job but....oh forget it

At times in this job you have to get creative in order to crush the appropriate amount of dogs during a designated month of obscurity. Luckily, I am not that man. However last night I was able to pull off a staple of work/hotdog consumption feat. OK maybe not a feat exactly but I was able to co-mingle the activities to serve dual purposes. 1 - kill some dogs. and 2 - protect the innocent civilians attending a local football game from the horrific scene of a streaker or a grisly crime scene of minors (that rights I said MINORS) smoking cigarettes. Aside from all that duty bound speech I was working an overtime gig at a high school football game last night and you know what they have??????

You guessed it; hotdogs. 2 bucks a pop and they hit the spot. To describe then in a word that word would be terrible. To describe them in two words it would be (censored) terrible. No sarcasm there. I got 2 dogs out of the crock pot/roaster and they were pale, warmish, and just plain creepy. A word of advice....if you find yourself blogging for a month about hotdogs in the Omaha area and are located somewhere around the East stands of the football stadium near 108th and 370 take a hint. DON'T ORDER A DOG! the good news was the mustard vat pump was busted so I had an enormous lump of mustard in the middle of the conquest. Wait, i just threw up in my mouth a little and sharted.

dogs killed - 2

dog on

Kum and Go fill my bun

I have been back in state for a bit now and really doing some quality hot dog crushing. I have determined one of the most accessible yet tasty dog is the coveted (from the bible) roller dog you find at gas stations. I have been assessing which gas station/convenient store/kum and go/sip and split/pop a squat/poop in mouth/ has the best roller dog out there.





This is not just taste and preparation, but available condiments. After doing some research I discovered that buying my own roller machine is not cheap. More on that later. I know you can't wait. Thus far there are 3 stops made this far and the Kum and Go at 108th and Giles so far is the leader and not by much. average dog, average price, very average condiments. I have already determined that bun freshness and girth* may be more of a deciding factor than anticipated.

* deonotes specific joke for The Doug

Here you find the last night of our fishing trip when the brats we crock-potted (that's a verb by the way) turned out to be a mean poker player. I didn't see the flush on the table because the brat was tempting me like a siren and i sailed right into his rocks of spades (that odyssey reference was for the nerds....like the mole).





We will see which gas station meets my wrath next.


3 dogs killed

A Man, A boat, and a DOG

Sorry about the last blog’s aggression. May have been a bit testosterone filled with all of the fishing, beer, poker, and of course hot dogs. As an obvious display of dedication you find me here in the middle of a lake, fishing rod in one hand, dog on the other. Is it warm? Any condiments? Well ladies it wouldn’t be roughing it with all of that “fancy” or “edible” hot dog preparation.

Several fish in the well. Several dollars lost in poker. Several rolls of toilet paper used. Several hot dogs gone. Hot dogs consumed? 8. days without a shower? 3. Heading home tomorrow. Will be good to be back and return to a normal life of eating hot dogs and writing it about it. Yeah that’s normal right? Sure it is. Who said it wasn’t? did Steve tell you that? steve

Since I will be off radar for a day or two I leave you with the most appropriate question. If you were a hot dog. Would you eat yourself? It’s a simple question! For the answer click on here to see what made Harry Carey famous.

Hot Dogs Are Like Sex Panther for Fish

It is official. Up here in the land of 10,004 lakes (I counted) a new secret lure has been discovered. As you can see by the pic this northern pike can’t resist the obvious allure of a tubed meat fish killer. You think he finished it? I don’t think so. I took it out of his mouth and finished it. Then I gutted him for a fish fry and hot dog feast. Much like I would do for anyone who tries to take a hot dog from me. You’ve all been warned.

Introducing October's DogBlogger - The Pig.

For the 5 people who read this I think one of you may not know who I am. For him/her here is a brief intro….I am The Mole's younger brother. Notice how I did not say little because I outweigh him and have less hair. For nine years I have been a cop in a suburb of Omaha and have done a little bit of everything in the law enforcement game. The only things left on my resume are to (1) arrest the Wookie (aka Paul Pruess of Dekalb, Illinois) for a trumped up felony, and (2) participate in a hot dog blog. Looks like at the end of this month there is only one thing left to do before retirement.

Therefore in light of my chosen path I will be known as “The Pig.”

It would be in poor form to not thank those “brave?” men who went before me. It would also be taboo to allow a fleeting hope I will not destroy any records thus far. Therefore, in the effort of gauntlet throwing, (still don’t know where that saying came from) I feel it necessary to Roast my predecessors.

The Mole, what can I say about this guy. He is tall, dark, handsome and very intelligent. He also likes wine, playing volleyball, playing with the girls, and helping out with Uppercase Living parties. Quite the internal struggle if you ask me. Is he a South African sprinter? Only time and x-rays will tell.

The Mexican from Atlanta – he’s a cute little man. Did he actually drink wine with a hot dog? Is he still married after that? If I assume correctly he is not…then the question is did she leave him for eating hotdogs? For making her eat hot dogs? For turning orange? For him being such a small person? Or simply realizing he is The Mexican, which by what I hear from his college buddies, was inevitable. Good thing for him the wife gets half of his…well ….money? (I think Munch had the overs at 9 years but no one saw the hot dog thing coming….they never do)….I needed more dots.

Big Doug – well well well. We meet on the interweb to blog about hot dogs again. I know in all of your other dog-blogs you make comments like “I can barely fit this dog in my mouth” and “I am excited this dog fits my bun” and “I like men” but this month you have disappointed even your most loyal readers. Both of them. Over a week with nothing? The sausage council will be very disappointed. You may even get passed over as emcee for their fest this year.

But I digress,

This will be my month and I am excited to report I am currently in Minnesota in the Otter Tail area for a fall fishing trip with dudes. Also known as the stink and drink, the hot dog blog opener will be a bratwurst/sauerkraut crock pot concoction today. Pictures to follow.

Dog on.