Five Guys Burgers and Fries...and Hot Dogs...?

...you betcha'. Everyone knows that Five Guys serves up some delicious burgers and fries (the peanuts ain't bad either). What you might not realize is that they supply some pretty decent hot dogs too.

I opted for a straight-up Kosher dog, as close to Chicago-style as I could make it (they do not stock sport peppers or celery salt, and the relish wasn't freaky bright green like it is in Chitown). Very tasty.

Hot Dog Count: 9

Dog on...

Costco-dog

On my lunch hour I popped over to Costco to pick up some infant formula (with six-month-old twins, I do this every other day). I've always been curious about the food court at Costco, and noticed that they sold hot dogs. Perfect!

First of all, this was a great value: $1.50 for a soda and a huge frickin' hot dog. I mean this this thing was like, uh, Costco-sized. Sort of like eating an entire pork tenderloin on a bun. The quality wasn't bad either.

Because of its girth, I'm counting it as two hot dogs.

Hot Dog Count: 8

Dog on...

Nathan's Wurst

Today I enjoyed my first professionally prepared hot dogs. About a year ago our local Bruster's ice cream shop was half-invaded by Nathan's Famous hot dogs. Now you can enjoy a greasy frankfurter with your strawberry-banana smoothie. How weird.

Anyway, I opted for a plain dog with mustard and a chili cheese dog. Honestly? They were terrible. I mean they come from Coney Island, what do you expect. As a native of Chicago I can tell you authoritatively that there are three things New Yorkers just don't get:

1. How to prepare a hot dog
2. How to bake a pizza
3. How to rig an election

Hot Dog Count: 6

Dog on...

Naked

Today was pretty weak in terms of hot dog consumption. Still no buns. All I could muster was a single hot dog enjoyed just as the good Lord intended: buck ass nekkid. (I'm talking about the hot dog; I was fully clothed at the time.)

At this point, I'd like to bring this blog back to its roots in Mathematics, in order to set some expectations. I don't see how I could possibly consume 100 hot dogs in a month, and I believe that The Mole's record will stand. However...

As you know, Mexicans are comparatively short people, and I'm no exception*: 5' 10". The Mole stands at a freakish 6' 7", if memory serves.

5' 10" = 70 inches

6' 7" = 79 inches

70 / 79 = 0.886

0.886 * 100 hot dogs = 88.6 hot dogs

Therefore, on a weighted scale I will shatter The Mole's record as I nibble through the last third of my 88th hot dog.

Hot Dog Count: 4

Dog on...

* As a reminder, I'm still not Mexican.

Perro Caliente

Hungry for some lunch, I still had exactly zero hot dog buns in the house. I did, however, have a package of flour tortillas. Every good Mexican* always has a few tortillas on hand. I'm a huge fan of Taco Bell's Beef Mexi-Melt, and thought with a little creativity I could replicate this amazing treat...hot dog style.

Fired up the grill, and split two dogs lengthwise. Charred them up, along with a few bits of a pepper from my garden. Wrapped them up in tortillas with some cheese and voilá...

I decided that the only beverage worthy of accompanying this delightful dish was a frosty can of Bud Light Chelada. This concoction is a mixture of beer, salt, lime and Clamato. Clamato, if you're not familiar with it, is a tangy tomato cocktail made with, and I quote, "dried clam broth". Sounds wrong? It is oh-so-right. You're not a man until you've consumed a beer labeled with a seafood allergen warning.

Hot Dog Count: 3

Dog on ...

* I often forget that I am not actually Mexican. Please refer to my previous post.

Goodbye Loose Meats. Hello Tube Meats.

It is Saturday, August 1st, 2009, 10:20 AM. I'm wearing boxer shorts and an old Gap t-shirt encrusted with baby spit-up. I stumble to the kitchen, open up the 'fridge, and locate an unopened package of Hebrew National hot dogs. As I slice into the bag, the sweet smell of beefy goodness overwhelms me. I savor the moment. It's finally here, the first day of Hot Dog Month. The beginning of the end of my life?

When my friend The Mole first introduced the idea of eating hot dogs for an entire month, I thought it was pretty stupid and a little crazy. But as he soldiered through the month, sucking down scores of hot dogs on his way to 100, I began to see the beauty in his campaign. It was something that I wanted to be a part of, though to this day I can't exactly explain why.

Sometime around the third week of July, in what I assume was some sort of spiritual, hot-dog induced trance, The Mole was inspired with a vision of genius:

Pass the torch, month after month, so that others may find their way in life through the consumption of high-fat cylinders of ground animal parts.

I am so humbled and honored to be the second link in what I assume will be a chain of tube-meat eaters that stretches throughout eternity.

Now, I'd like to clear up a few things in this, my first post of Hot Dog Month:

1. Yes, I was a vegetarian, even a vegan, not so long ago. I view my participation in HDM as repentance for that dark period in my life. That said, I'd like to point out one thing: except for the wiener part, a hot dog is a vegan-friendly food. No animals are harmed in the making of a hot dog. Again, except for the actual wiener.
2. My blog name identifies me as The Mexican. I am not actually Mexican, as far as anyone can tell, though I am proud to be associated with the peoples of Mexico. I do have an unusual penchant for low-rider automobiles, Tequila, and spicy foods. I also bear children in broods.
3. I would not be able to do this without the support of my sponsor, Medtronic, Inc. Their generous donations will help to keep my pantry well-stocked with all of the supplies and equipment required to participate in Hot Dog Month. That reminds me: come out an see me on August 8th. I'll be at Matt's Chicago Dog in Sandy Springs, handing out free samples of Medtronic's latest implantable cardioverter-defibrillator.

Back in the kitchen. I'm not quite sure how to prepare my first hot dog. For one, I have no buns. Also, it is now 10:21 AM. Not exactly hot dog hour. Back in the 'fridge, I grab some eggs and milk. It is time for a Hot Dog Scramble.

Hot Dogs Consumed: 1

Dog on ...

It Is Finished.

July is over, and so ends my month of eating hot dogs. I made it to 100 with a ceremonial dog downing at 94/95 with my Leadership Omaha friends (they were there for an event already, I wouldn't have expected that kind of turnout simply to watch me eat a hot dog). Coney Stop provided the final two dogs. Most people simply ask me why I would do something like that, and the answer is always the same. If you have to ask, maybe there isn't a good answer.

Hot dogs are good for you. I lost 4 pounds during Hot Dog Month. They are portable, convenient, and ultimately American. I finally got a "you wouldn't eat hot dogs if you knew what was in them" comment from an overly dramatic girlfriend of a friend of mine. "Really?" I replied, marveling that it had not occured to her that somewhere in my 36 years on this earth I would have figured out what a hot dog was. If I had more guts I would have simply responded, "I guess I never thought about that, what is in hot dogs." Then when she tells me I could stage a violent reaction as though it is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard and throw up on her, apologize, and thank her for educating me. Then I would ask her where chicken nuggets come from. Besides the fact that I cannot throw up on command, there are probably other problems with that response.

Now I turn this blog over to my buddy The Mexican in Atlanta. He has already begun his challenge and he will blog during the month of August. You may recall from the hot dogs across America blog that they like coleslaw down there, and he may add some ethnic twists because of his heritage.

Fight the good fight brother.

Dog on . . .